3:52 in the morning and I came home to this link to a tumblr post that made mention of my former band. This time, it was from someone who knew Caitlyn Bailey personally. Since it has come to this, the band has since decided to issue a formal statement on the usage of her name. To the person who wrote this post, I seek to clarify certain things with you as I fear my (yes, this was my doing) intentions may have been misconstrued. I ask for your patience and understanding. I respectfully write this as a means of reaching out.
My name is Francis Maria and I sang for that screamo band you mentioned in one of your entries. First off, let me just clarify several points raised in the aforementioned post.
"Somehow, this guy came across her page and read all these letters. He said it really “touched him” so he named his band after her. Apparently they became pretty popular. It just really makes me angry that they took her name without asking or anything."
We aren't as popular as you think we are. I have to say that straight-up. As long as I could remember, we had always welcomed correspondence from anyone who might have known Caitlyn. Several one-off myspace users got in touch with us but (at least from my end) failed to establish any formal communication. We were prompt with our replies. I personally remember trying to sincerely befriend the people who sent messages. Were you one of those people? I'm sorry for leaving you with the wrong impression. This is someone you actually knew and loved, I understand why you would feel strongly about this. Anything I may have mentioned to the effect of being "touched" by this matter is done out of empathy and not that sinking feeling you get from overdone human-interest specials. I started this band with the sincerest of intentions and I mean everything I say on behalf of it. Again, I apologize for anything you may have taken offense to.
"Apparently they wrote a song about her, but I haven’t heard it. It’s heartbreaking that she had to leave us so soon, and I don’t like the fact that they are profiting off her story."
We never finished that song. In fact, the band was never about her story. On that note, there's no way we could've exploited it in any way, shape or form. We never once referenced her in our lyrics. Our content had always been personal takes on the wax and wane of life and living, things taken from our own experiences. We couldn't have done any justice to her as a person since we knew nothing of the person she was, even through her friends and family. It would be an insult for us to do so. I was, as a reader, moved by the sincerity of that myspace page. If we were to do the name right, we would do something just as sincere, at least to us. Something from our truths and our lives. If anything, the decision to use her name stems from the truth of Caitlyn's humanity. The message was powerful. More than that, it was empowering.
She lived among fellow human beings and traces of her continue to resonate in the hearts of those around her. She wasn't a public figure, a celebrity or a pop culture reference. She was a human being. The truest of all conditions. We sought to bring out that same urgency by way of writing the most sincere music we could. This did not appeal to people. I guess people down here didn't get what we were trying to do so a lot of the time, we were brushed aside in our own respective scenes. Truth is, we have never earned a single cent from this endeavor. We lost more money than we could ever recover with this band but we did this for the love of the music and more importantly, what it stood for. We, like all others, only seek to root ourselves in our own humanness. Your friend showed us that. Your friend showed me that.
"What I’ve heard is that their last show was recently? I hope so. I hope their fans know where their name came from. I hope they know all the pain and sorrow we are suffering because of her loss. I hope they realize it isn’t a joke."
We always made it a point to let people know where our name came from. We always made it a point to let people know that it wasn't our name to begin with. If you must know, we are a band of suicide survivors. We are a band that has lost loved ones to suicide. We could not speak from the standpoint of your heartache but we know ours. We know the pain of loss. We know the pain and lasting trauma of pulling the gun on oneself. We know the pain of seeing loved ones leave so soon. Not once have we done anything out of posterity. I can't tell you about your pain. I can't tell anyone about what you've been through. I just know my pain is real, just as real as yours, just as real as anyone else's. None of us are alone in that regard. This is not a joke and none of us are laughing.
Again, I apologize for any offense I may have caused for choosing this name. I hope you understand our side as well.
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