Getting there, people

Will be halfway to 60% through this later. Tracking with Cabal. Will keep posted.

The universe is where I'd rather be with you.

Moments last forever when you keep moving from place to place. For the past few months, I've been moving with you. Through windows and glass, through wires and cables, I've never been this sure about the way I felt. I've never been this nervous either but for whatever it's worth, it's only because you're worth it. If it makes me seem desperate to write about this in secret, someday you'll know. That day might be soon. Either way, I'll be nothing but honest. When you read this, I could only ever ask for your understanding. I've spent the last four years of my life in sheer doubt of anyone ever being worthwhile, of anyone ever being close enough to be with, of anyone I could see in terms of minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years. I see all of these in you. The world stops and I lose myself in the moment. The universe is where I'd rather be with you.

Weeks ago, I wrote you a song. I recorded it in secret and hid it under a protected link. Several friends knew of this song and on the day I played it, all eyes were on you instead of me. There are about thirty plays on that song right now. One of them, you. Twenty-nine of them know I love you. One of them, me.

For all the things I've been scared to admit, they all stop short of that first kiss. Good morning, you. My name is Francis Maria and I love you, miss.

Discontent, flames fanned by dead songs.

Sometimes, it gets to me. I'm no stranger to humor. I do however take account of the underpinnings of certain jokes. They're all half-meant, aren't they? I'm towards that particular persuasion. Friends from back in the day are quick to point out a drastic change in aesthetics and musical preference with regards to the things I've been subscribing to as of late. At times, this becomes implicitly pejorative. This, I would immediately confirm. I do however feel the need (for the sake of my peace of mind) to explain that as with many things in my life, this schism from the greasy hair and anti-fashion environment of my former scene starts with an exercise of my political will. Otherwise, "hipster" is a funny term.

In relatively lengthy article I anonymously penned for a pet project, I expressed my disappointment at what I thought to be a progressive and (dare I say) relevant hardcore/punk scene. Following several altercations with factions of the local music scene, I was left disheartened by what I perceived to be a lack of ethics and political motivation. Discourse was at an all time low and it appears that the idea of being in a secret society of art, ideas and ideals comes a far second to the same sort rat race the scene appeared to shun. It was still a circus of privilege, status and ascendancy. Generative dissent was antiquated in the eyes of the slightly less jaded and explicitly opposed by staunch adherents. Following the death of a friend, I gradually grew a distaste for the way things were run in that scene and (the local DC music scene by extension). As it went hand in hand with my disappointment, the usual fare for this cultural enclave represented things I detested. Regardless if they came from a rather admirable context. I stopped listening to hardcore and punk altogether. I stopped listening to a lot of my old punk records, gave away my hardcore/punk band shirts. For the rest of the scene, I fell under the radar. If it weren't for the fact I played in a hardcore band myself, I would've disappeared altogether.

In this span of time, I found myself in a vacuum. Without that environment to nurture my leanings, how do I express myself without subscribing to the same normative practices? I guess I could thank the diversity of my musical taste. Well, that and some incomprehensibly good timing. The Field Mice on repeat for lack of things to listen to, I went into the context Sarah Records worked in. Zine culture, a label started with politically geared aesthetics, a community that appeared like a secret society of art and ideals (for their time and place), I didn't see much of a difference with the punk scene. It had so much in common with punk and hardcore but seemed to live a world away. The things traditional hardcore machismo frowned upon were suddenly emancipatory and empowering. Sensitivity, an openness to human emotionality, a celebration of the queer, effeminate and the asexual. Post-hardcore and screamo being equally big influences on my character, this was something that sat well with my sensibilities. It was liberating to be vulnerable. The politics were practiced rather than preached and scenes were built on friendship instead of some apotheized ideal of a greater scene.

Like a friend said, "personal is political." I just find it odd that my politics only started shining through after I left that part of my life behind. Music will stay music and memories will stay the way they were when they happened. However, if the goal of a scene is collective or personal progress, I guess it would be right for me to leave given that it is no longer conducive to my growth as an individual. I haven't outgrown punk music, neither the form nor the substance. In fact, a lot of the things I apply in my daily life are things I've learned in punk songs. I still carry my ethics with me and take them to heart. What I've learned to let go of was the idea of subscribing to an oppressive iconoclasm. I've learned to play with the hand I've been given as a person. I've come to accept that privilege exists in every context. I have no regrets as to the way I've come to learn these things.

I won't shoot myself down to build others up. People are supposed to empower the disenfranchised. I can't do that without having something to show for it.

Sometimes you only know how much you've grown if you muster the strength to leave home. I'm not nearly as aimless as I thought I was.

P.S.

Last time I checked, hipsters were more about irony than they were about informed cynicism.

The indentured slavery of temporal narratives

You, it's always you. I'll see you again someday and by then I might have something good to say. Yeah, you're right, I've been scared all this time. I wish to not let this happen again. I hope seeing you clears that up. How long do I have to wait? I hope it's not that long. I've only been waiting forever. I'll wait until forever. I've gone this far and regardless, I guess there's no other way for me to go.

Do you still think of me? I don't want an answer. I just want you to be with me. At least once, I'd like for you to see me as I am. Not particularly overjoyed by your presence, not in pain over always having to leave. I'd like for you to see the me you never got to see when you were with me.

Give me a night in November to show you.

Months of the great gloom

It's that time of the year again. These are the months of the great gloom and I am thus humbled. It is with sincere reverence that I give myself September up until February to reflect on the beauty found in the wake of each year's quiet passing. In perfect love and imperfect loving, I give myself back to the arms that held me up when I could no longer stand. To the concrete, I send my love. To the great gloom, I give these fragile hands.

There is no love here. In love, I am forever alone.

Serendipity

Well, you don’t always get what you want but that does however leave the grounds open for something that might come as a pleasant surprise. I went to that super secret underground guitar shop to find that the Japanese Jaguar copy I spoke of a while back had been sold. Disappointed, I sideways expected it. I did however come across this gem.

Since I always had a thing for naming inanimate objects, I’d like to introduce Marcella. She appears to be a cross between a Les Paul, an SG and a Telecaster. Tone-wise, she sounds fairly warm on the neck pickup setting and has this jangly old-school guitar pop sound when set to the bridge pickup. The neck feels just right. It’s bolted on. The body is lighter than expected. Overall, I’m still disappointed by my apparent lack of a Jaguar but this is a pleasant surprise. Serendipity. Whatever the hell this guitar is.

A worthy successor to my MIJ Thunder Mustang, Ardennes who in a few weeks time will find herself a new home in the loving hands of my good friend, Francis Cabal.

On the passing of the grand year

It's been beautiful, sitting on this side of the fence with no shortage of anticipation for the coming and passing of the grand year. As with every year she is to birth us, we tremble at the thought and revel in the excitement of her seemingly infinite possibilities; weightless, timeless and breathless.

This is goodbye, love. Will I ever see you again?

You have to stay young and beautiful if you want to be loved

Today is the first day of my life. After a year of dealing with the slow-burning heartache of long sleepless nights and tragic old pop songs, I'm able to say that with everything I've been through and everyone I've met within that span of time, I'm not the same person I was before. Recovery wasn't so much an effort to piece myself together as it was a path to at least partial self-discovery. Coming to terms with the parts of myself I particularly dislike and looking for ways to come closer to the kind of person I want to be, I couldn't really say much about how far I've gone. I wouldn't know to which extent I have but I'd really like to think I've gotten somewhere. From where I was standing, at least I'm something now.

I have always been a transient and as a transient, I finally found a home in my own transience. Emotions never last, neither do the circumstances that bring them into this plane of existence. Regardless of this, it is in fleeting human moments that I live by the day as I've come to believe that we're all only as impermanent as each other. What's a moment worth if we don't act on it? What's the point of living if we let all of these potentially precious moments pass?

There is truth in the maxim, 'hell is other people'. At least it's true the way I see it with the way people's lives send ripples across the universe in the things they say and do. Figurative heaven shouldn't be too far off either in that case if we're going to be polar with the meanings we ascribe as per Sartre's statement. Running the course of human interaction, it would be fairly safe to say we've all been up there at one point or another; just as often as we've gotten the shorter end of the stick as far as life with others is concerned. Simply put, so long as everything else is adequate; the quality of a person's life is seen in how the actors are situated within one's context and how one would choose to interpret its set differentials. Okay, so how does this perspective crap tie in with who I think I am now?

Yes, I've said this before; I'm a transient. I'm a transient because people are transient. It's inherent in human nature for us to come and go as life in itself is never at a standstill for us. That said, in recent memory a fair number of people have come in and out my door. Some, lasting longer than others. Some of them never really leave. In particular, very few ever stay long enough to make a noticeable impression on the way I live my life. One did and well, starting over plays a huge part in this as well.

Fine, I'll stop beating around the bush. Whereas I've opted to distract myself in any way I can for the greater part of the year, I guess you could say that since the day we started talking you've held my attention like no one else could. You are not one of those distractions. Among the people I've spoken to and met prior, you're the only one I took I ever seriously and without apprehension and well I'm thankful we bumped into each other in the first place. You have no idea how much I've come to regret what I've done to you or how wrong I was to question what this was worth. Whatever this is, it means something. I believe it does. There's no better way for me to word it as I've only so much to say about you and I and how this matters in the greater scheme of things. I know you're not into indie pop, you think twee is gay and shoegaze might just bore you to death but like Sarah Records band The Harvest Ministers once said, 'you do my world a world of good.' I'm sorry, Nics. I'm really at a loss for words.

You could be anywhere else but here with anyone else but me but for whatever this is worth, a part of me will always wait for you; walking the same streets, sitting in the corner of the same cafes. I'm making you something, I just hope I get to give it to you soon.

Happy birthday. I'll always just be here for you, waiting in your shadow; sitting idly by with a book in my hand and hazy eyes to match. Now, where have you been all of my life?




P.S.

Hey, this is a long shot but when you get back what about lunch? :)

P.P.S.

Honestly speaking, if anyone else is wondering why I never went on about what I ended up like since the earlier paragraphs were almost set to explain I just want to say that I've been listening to too much of My Bloody Valentine's 2008 remastering of their seminal release, Loveless. Listen to that album, read the lyrics and that would probably do a good job of explaining and well yeah, I'm going to explain what the rest of this means some other time.

P.P.P.S.

Now I know what it looks like when you're blogging, you fall asleep and you continue when you wake up. Look how split in half this thing is. Lol.

Life in terminals, twenty years hence

If I had to sum the narrative of my life up in just one statement, it would have to be a line by Ian Curtis; "touching from a distance, further all of the time" from Joy Division's song, Transmission. This wouldn't come as a surprise to anyone who frequents I Don't Want To Miss You Anymore, tell us something we don't already know. Hinting at yet another encounter with the said narrative by way of having mentioned it in the first place would be completely justifiable given the nature of the past few months for me. As of the moment, I think I may have exhausted the notion of distance as an underlying theme in the formation of my character in previous years; this will no longer be about that. The past for the most part shall now remain distal as I have chosen to situate myself as a person of today, living and acting in the present.

In previous entries, I have interchangeably used the terms wayfarer and drifter to describe what I see as the condition of a perennial lack of permanence in the field of human relations; at least as far as the individual situation and shared phenomenology is concerned. More often than not, I use these terms in reference to myself. These two shall however make way for the usage of a more canonical term from within my personal taxonomy. From now on, I am a transient. The whole notion of being a transient and its inherent transience shall now stand over distance as the basic foundation of my rambling under the premise that whereas both distance and transience imply situation, being a transient assumes movement whereas the distant subject operates from within the condition of distance.

Long story short, I'll be writing from a slightly different perspective. It's about time I did.


Focusing on enrollment and the first few weeks of class for the greater part of November, I haven't really spoken much on the things I've seen and/or done during the semestral break. A while back, my band went on a short tour of Luzon, hitting three dates over the span of five days. Last year's tour was incredibly botched with guitars getting knocked out of tune, me disappearing intermittently and having the guys commute place to place with a box full of merch I promised to carry. Don't forget how I so conveniently left our drummer's return ticket all the way in Tondo. It was terrible to say the least.

Not wanting for any of this to happen again, I sought to help make this year's tour run as smoothly as it possibly could. I managed to secure transport and a place to stay, hooked us up with shows and everything. Paeng gets to Manila first, the three of us follow a few days later. Save for the long trips between shows and the place we stayed in, things went by rather smoothly. A few friends of ours helped us out and made the whole endeavor particularly enjoyable, organizers, other bands, bums, comic book nerds, elitist hipster snobs et al.

First show was for Joe and Tubby Trousers productions; came home with a cd from Ponchie of Encounters With A Yeti, an amazing post-rock band with an awesome ass video to go along with their live set. A lot of great bands that night, I feel like crap for missing FilterFilter though. Aunt Audrey was nice though. Second show was Earth Decay '09 in San Pablo, Laguna for our good friend and hardcore dad, Agee Linan. Aunt Audrey was there, too. Got there just in time for Wagyu (also known as that band with the really pretty drummer) and that blistering set from the fastest band in the land, Rush IxDx. Got bumped off the lineup quite a few times, which pissed us off a bit but well we got to play, so all's well. It's not easy organizing events like this anyway. Omerta and Curse/Gift didn't get to play which disappointed me, but seeing bands like Shoulder State, Goo, and Tame The Tikbalang left me content. Still royally hating myself for not going to SPC earlier to see Agee's last set with Legarda ever, Ang Bandang Shirley and Ginseng Luzon. Third and last show was for the up and coming Asterisk* Collective, show with quite a number of real screamo bands played that night and it was easily the set I enjoyed the most among the three. Crowd reception was great over the course of the whole tour, first time we've ever had people move to the things we played, much less sing our lyrics back to us. Amazing shows, those three.

While not playing shows, I chose to spend most of my time with some new acquaintances; one of which, I had a particular interest in. I think I've mentioned her a few times in IDWTMYA but yeah. This really didn't end well between me and her. After weighing things out, it's better this way. Sure, I felt like I was led on at some point but I'd like to put that behind me. We just weren't coming from the same time and place. As for her friends, well we still talk. They're fun to talk to from time to time so it couldn't be all bad. It's nice to have a little crazy every now and then, at least not the kind of crazy I'm used to. Now fuck off, Carl Rogers. On to other matters.

Oh, on a side note our drummer left a few weeks after tour following a fairly messy set. We're still working out arrangements for a replacement but we surely will miss the guy. He's been there since day one and did a lot for this band. We'll miss you, man. Move on to greater things and make us proud.


Came home on the 29th of October to enroll for the second semester. Nerves shot to shit, I was incredibly tense as to my status in the AB-Psychology program. If there's anything I want to get around to, it's graduating so I could get the hell out of here. I couldn't afford to stay in college any longer than I have to, there's just too much riding on this for me to take everything lightly. Apart from what my folks are spending on this and the time I've already spent in school, there's just too much of an emotional investment in the program and its people from this end.

I'm incredibly enthusiastic about this semester and I've got all the textbooks I need for this; additional references, a new schoolbag, notebooks, supplies et al. Sure, I spent the greater part of the first week in queue in and around the SS Division for the absurdly tedious task of adding and dropping subjects but I got the job done and classes are working out well so far. The professors are amazing and I love all of them. I have 21 units this semester and I'm enrolled in Social Psychology, Experimental Psychology and Research, Agrarian Reform and Taxation, Writing Across the Disciplines, Cognitive Psychology, Abnormal Psychology and Christian States of Life.

What's my target grade for this semester? Well, that I wouldn't know. All I'm saying is I intend to deserve what I get and things are looking good.


Sleep has been off for the past few days. Personally, I find that a bit off given that my sleep patterns were actually a lot more stable during the semestral break. Good thing I have that new alarm clock though, it really helps me wake up in the morning. That coffee mom brought home from Indonesia works too but still, I'm going to have to rest earlier to make sure I have enough energy for the day to come. Next stop, I should probably work on my diet but first thing's first I need to learn how to sleep.


Since we got home from tour, the CB guys and I took it upon ourselves to let the band a rest a while given how tiring the whole thing was. Consequently, this left me with a lot more time to work on my other bands and projects. Since 2006, I've been doing some solo material- fairly recently under the moniker, Love In Athens. Recently, I just added a new member and things are turning out well for the both of us. We're working on new songs for various compilations.

I've also been playing bass in a Tragedy style hardcore/punk band called Disobjectify with Paeng on guitar and vocals and Paris from Capgun Robbery and We Spell Disaster on drums. That shoegaze band IP and Wilson were starting with me and Janno is on the back burner but I have Love In Athens for that as of the moment. A friend of Denise and I, TJ might get me to play bass and do some programming for this band he's starting. Hopefully it ends up shoegazey enough for my tastes too. We're all into My Bloody Valentine and M83 type stuff so it shouldn't be too far off.


This bastard still follows me around everywhere I go. He's been following me for a few months now and it's driving me nuts. Okay, okay, I exaggerated a bit there. Statistically, it's highly probable that I may see the same cab a number of times especially when we most probably travel the same routes from time to time. It's just weird how many times I have to run into 666. How kvlt is that?


Well, took me a while to put this up but that's the past few weeks for you. It had its ups and downs but it was all worth it. I see good things ahead and well, I'm still taking things one day at a time. See you soon, IDWTMYA!

Fifteen more mornings on the upper east side

Is there room for love after modernity?

Thanks to Mia leaving me her bass for the meantime since she left for Japan, I have recently gotten around to playing a little bit of bass again. It's taking a little bit of getting used to but hey, it's an instrument and it would probably do me a lot of good to do something different for a change.

Since I wanted to practice playing live and making music I couldn't do with my other bands and projects, I started a shoegaze band with IP from We Ride Dynamite, Wilson from the Chickenfeeds and Janno the drummer guy who always hangs around Mixatune Studios. Currently, the whole thing doesn't have a name yet but we're most probably getting together sometime this Wednesday to throw some ideas around.

This is something I'd really want to pull of since I'm a huge shoegaze and indie pop fan. Besides, gives me another reason to dress up at shows.

Maybe there is room for love after modernity after all.

Pretend to be here

October 31 would be a perfect example of one of those days where you just don't have anything to do or anyone to spend time doing things with. I have to admit I miss days like this, they've been increasingly scarce as the past few semesters wore on but on a whole I guess I'd prefer to have things a lot less lonely. A lot of my friends high tailed it over to Manila and other places, some of the people I'd readily spend time with also happen to live in far-off places, anyone else down here is busy.

I enjoy spending time alone but I could only go on for so long before I start thinking back about the people I love and how I wish they were all here to be alone... with me.

Until then, I'll just listen to Pia Fraus.

Letters from Santa Rosa

Tour is over and I find myself inching down the long road home. I'd like to tell myself the whole thing was a success considering we sold our Tour EP's out and played consistently well over the course of the past few days but I think it would be an injustice to say this without acknowledging the collective efforts of everyone who helped make this trip memorable. It is with a heavy heart that I say that in less than a day, all of this has to end. I know a part of myself will always keep on coming back to this point in my life. I'll have a lot of memories to keep me company before I see these people again. More than anything, I'm thankful this happened.

I would like to say a few things before going to sleep. I haven't felt like this in a long time and whereas I'm predisposed to take on things as would a hopeless romantic, this is something that just set the bar a bit higher in regards to the whole notion of where I stand on shared experience. There are so many beautiful things about you that I clearly see but couldn't readily speak of nor point out. This is ridiculous to say the least but I could say I tried to reach out to you and we do have a few hours of memory to work on. That's enough for me to work with, if I still know how to. You're forgetful, I know but for one I seriously wish you wouldn't forget this when all of the dust settles and the smoke clears. We deserve to be happy, I couldn't stress that enough. Someday, I just hope to see you happy. Friends, soulmates, everything else, I don't know what to call it. You're not just anyone to me anymore after this. All I could do now is believe and hope that I would be able to repay you somehow for everything you've done for me and the way you made me feel from the first time we spoke.

It doesn't have to be anything. Before I head home, I just want to let you know that I'm just here, admiring you from afar. I will always feel the same way I did as that first time I saw you.

This isn't goodbye.


It's never really goodbye.

There's got to be a morning after

For the first time in a long time, I'm happy to wake up alone; happy enough seeing the view outside my window without anyone next to me. I feel light-hearted today but not in the complacent sort of way I'm usually predisposed to. Looking back at that last entry, it made more sense thinking I said what I did because I'm lonely; not because of anything a particular person said or done. I guess it's something I come back to since I have no other frames of reference as to times when I didn't have to feel that way. The thought of having someone to be with is nice but for the moment, I don't see why I have to be so anxious. I could still experience love by giving it, can't I?

I'll tear out the old pages and draw myself where they used to be. THIS IS MY MORNING AFTER.

I don't want to miss you anymore

October 17, 2009

It would've been our second anniversary had we still been together. I wasn't a perfect partner and I haven't done nearly enough to say I was a good lover to you but for everything we've been through, we did still have our fair share of beautiful moments. You know I've been a wreck ever since we broke up, I'm not going to lie to you. Looking back at the things I've experienced since the first time I met you up until now however, I'd like to think there has never been a point in my life where I felt more alive. I'm still thankful... for everything.

For the part of me that's moved on, I'm happy to have been madly in love with you. For the part of me that stays in pictures I've spent hours staring at, I guess I will always love you.

I'll never stop waiting for that kind of love again.



P.S.

I'll regret this in the morning.

Something I found on the internet.

From WikiHow:

Pop is a genre that has been around for a very, very long time. Everyone reasonable knows that pop is the best music genre.

Steps:

1. Start listening to lots of music. Music is the most important part of being a pop kid. You should explore twee, c86, shoegaze, fey pop, jangle pop, guitar pop, anorak, shambling, dream pop and noise pop.
2. Dress however you want, it's not that important. However, dressing in cardigans, corduroys, anoraks, and band shirts will help other pop kids identify you.
3. Wearing badges (also called pins) is also helpful. Pastels badges can be especially useful. A Pastels badge started Talulah Gosh, so who knows what could happen!
4. Start a band.
5. Write a fanzine.
6. Maintain a LiveJournal way past its expiration date. (Only if fanzine plans fall through.)
7. When you enter your thirties be sure to only listen to records that came out in your twenties. (ex: if you are 35 now only listen to stuff from Kindercore, Sarah, etc.)
8. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend who looks just like you. Not the way you dress (which will certainly be identical) but actually looks like you (i.e. nose, body shape, etc.)
9. Familiarize yourself with commonly referenced songs. (such as "Throw Aggi Off The Bridge" by Black Tambourine, "Anorak City" by Another Sunny Day, "Pop Songs Your New Boyfriend Is Too Stupid To Know About" by Tullycraft, etc) Listen to the rest of the songs by these bands, too, of course.
10. Become hopelessly in love with a particular record label and talk about them dreamily to people who probably do not care or know what your talking about. (a pop kid favorite is Sarah Records)
11. Join the indiepop list and make friends.
12. Try to persuade countless friends to listen to pop with mixtapes. (or CDs if you're digitally inclined) Be crushed when they don't listen to them.
13. Remember that stripes never go out of pop style!
14. Wear 1 billion buttons on whatever bag you're carrying. When you change bags take your buttons off and apply them to the new one. Repeat.
15. Make really, really little stickers to advertise whatever it is you are involved with (zine, label, mini-comic)
16. Have a crush on a boy/girl who doesn't know you exist. Write songs about it.

Tips:

• Being a fan of public transportation is important, trains in particular.
• Have vague ambitions of moving to Glasgow. (note: if you live in Glasgow, have vague ambitions of moving Somewhere Else... Bristol, Stockholm or Sheffield, maybe?)
• Always remember that wherever you are is never as great as where you talk about wanting to be (EX: if you live in the US, Canada is always better; If you live on the East Coast, the West Coast is always better. Good pop cities are Athens and Olympia)
• If anyone ever compliments something you're wearing never, ever admit to buying it. Always tell them, "I made it."
• A lot of your indiepop days might be kind of lonely, so fill them with other hobbies besides zinemaking and band-doing! Examples include trainspotting, shoegazing, knitting, looking at bridges, trying to draw the Sarah Records or K Records logo JUST RIGHT, daydreaming, mixtaping, taking long walks while listening to the Field Mice, and arts and crafts.
• Buy a duffle coat. Now.

Warnings

• You might get beat up by skinheads or punks...actually, you might get beat up by everyone.
• Matt Haynes might break your chin
• It might be near impossible to find popkid friends that aren't Internet Friends From Faraway Places.
• You will probably get made fun of, especially if you are in Britland
• If you are in Britland, avoid the term "twee", as some people find it offensive
• Popkids are either completely sexless or complete sex fiends. There is no middle ground.
• Shyness is nice, but shyness can stop you. If another popkid comes up and tries to befriend you, say, at a show, you should definitely befriend them. (especially if you are secretly in love with them)

Things You'll Need:

• Lots of money to buy records
• Determination
• A broken heart and a nice haircut
• Saropoly

Atta girl!

SPERM MEETS EGG, SO WHAT?

"Dr Amelia Fletcher has been Chief Economist at the Office of Fair Trading for just over 6 years. She leads a team with responsibilty for economic policy on enforcment, economic research, evaluation of impact and competition advocacy to Government. She is also Head of Profession for the 50 or so economists working at the OFT, and is responsible for ensuring that the economic work carried out within the OFT is rigorous and state-of-the-art.
Prior to the OFT, she spent several years as an economic consultant in London specialising in antitrust, at Frontier Economics and before this London Economics. She has a doctorate from Oxford University, where her thesis was on economic theories of self-regulation."

Yet again, tweepop leaves me with more to aspire for. Thank you, Amelia Fletcher! This is way better than being all about Bobby Wratten all the time; I swear he'd just make sad bastards out of all of us and I'm happy I don't have to be that way. You might be as old as my mom but you're still just as adorable as you were during your days with Heavenly and Marine Research.

Article was taken from HERE

Deliverance

GOD, SHE WALKS AMONG US
and I have been forgiven

The world won't understand yet even in this absence, she'll bless us. Amelia Fletcher exists and in plain sight she walks among us. For all our sins, we have been forgiven. As the fruits of our sorrow have ripened, we shall now feast in paradise. May Amelia bless our every tomorrow.

Some records everyone should check out

Yeah, just to follow up my earlier blog post here's some stuff I think everyone should listen to.

• Secret Shine- Loveblind EP
• Secret Shine- Beyond Sky And Sea EP
• Secret Shine- Elemental EP
• Secret Shine- All Of The Stars
• Aberdeen- Homesick And Happy To Be Here
• Northern Picture Library- Alaska
• Blueboy- If Wishes Were Horses
• Marine Research- Songs From The Gulf Stream
• Sarah Records- There And Back Again Lane

I like you better with your trousers around your ankles

"You swear you know, perhaps you do; it could be true but you don't react like me."
The Sea Urchins- Pristine Christine

SLEEPING WITH GHOSTS

I guess it feels like I lost a bit more of my stake in humanity by feeling threatened by things beyond my physical grasp and subsequent emotional field. It's probably from setting my standards too high and spending too much time on the internet, really. Anything good that comes my way in regards to people almost becomes a matter of life and death and this is no exception. I would probably run out of words to say and a face to show after she reads half of the entries on this blog. It's only two weeks till then and from there on, I'll let incidentality take care of the rest.

I went out earlier in the evening; told my mom I needed a breather and then I was off. It's been a stressful week at school and I absolutely hate how unproductive I've become; the whole "he/she's back!" scenario Mimi and I were talking about earlier doesn't help either. I drove off around 9:00pm and headed straight for Jack's Ridge. Now, everybody knows how much of a sucker I am for the traces people leave behind. I went around, taking pictures with my SLR as i came and went. When I finished my roll, I ended up having coffee at that coffee shop right next to the stairs. I sat there listening to Aberdeen the whole time while sipping on that (Caitlyn) Bailey's coffee blend I ordered. I was picturing out where the piano used to be and how at some point, someone I'd actually end up liking used to be in that same room playing to her friends. That's the reason I went there, really. Just to feel that little trace of her she left behind. I was retracing steps, wondering where she once tread. Is it wrong for me to do so? Is this making me look like a complete idiot acting like some hopeless romantic driving into the sunset in the name of chasing daylight?

I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know what to make of it but hey, I'll take things as they come and go. This blog was about taking risks, living, loving and moving forward. Whatever happens, no regrets.

Afterwards, I headed to Blugre Landco to have a few beers for the same reason I went to Jack's Ridge earlier. Went home after finishing a couple of bottles, so yeah. It was a long day; a long, slow winding day. I only hope I could last till next week. Then, I could rest but only after facing the music. It IS next Sunday after all.

Oh well. At least I tried. Don't hate me for this. For whatever it's worth, you helped me feel like my life had meaning. I don't even have to explain how anymore, you did what you did. The rest is all up to you. I could only keep hoping amidst the odds.



P.S.

The blog title's from an Aberdeen song, Clouds Like These.