Getting there, people

Will be halfway to 60% through this later. Tracking with Cabal. Will keep posted.

Mount Analogue, more related news

It's about time we got back together. Haven't played or practiced together since that Multo sendoff show at Big Sky Mind. We were rather rusty in the studio but we're slowly getting the hang of things again. With really close friends, you tend to just pick up where you left off only it's more like rehabilitating a reattached limb in this case. Despite a clear lack of practice, we managed to survive that set at Audio Heavy Productions' Hello, Hope benefit show at B-Side last Thursday. Well, save for that one song that descended into free jazz. All in all, with the stuff I've been doing for the Strangeness with booking, passing memos and as of late, mailorder, it's about time I did something with my own band. We might be recording demos fairly soon. By soon, I mean this week. Thinking of a couple of ideas to speed up the writing process, particularly recording placeholders for drums as well. On a related note, we should record that EP full of our earlier songs too so we could move on to new material. I have so many new songs written that stray from the shimmery indie pop I wrote for the band early on. Moodier, more driving stuff. That said, we also need to practice together more often. Fuck, that set at B-Side was atrocious. (Reminder, Erwin HAS to have cymbals) Since Mayee started working at Lomography, our schedules have been just plain fucked. I go to work early and she ends late. I'm really happy for her but it's bad news for the band schedule and it's a real hassle having to go back up north for late night practice when I have work the next day. Hopefully, we could come up with a workaround. We're thinking Friday nights and Saturday afternoons. More on that sometime. Anyway, we're playing a couple of more shows this month. We're doing B-Side again on the 26th with Bee Eyes and our much hairier sister band, the Strangeness. Apart from that, we're also playing Earth Decay Fest in San Pablo, Laguna on the 29th.

Until then, I'd probably want to crawl into a hole until my mind starts working again.

Alva, please come home. Your boy is going crazy over here.

This is a lengthy entry about the things I write about in Mount Analogue

The gesture in itself is unsolicited. In the spirit of looking to the past with a new set of eyes, I think it's worth a shot though. I've always been self-critical to the point of being vain, this is an instance where the line between the two happens to blur. I apologize for how masturbatory this is going to be.

Since I started writing songs for Mount Analogue, I sought to try and distance myself from the overall tone I used in my former projects. Short of disowning my entire back catalog, I wanted to do something different from what I was (relatively) known for. With what I've been through since the past couple of years, I grew into the mindset that equally urgent emotions need not be as abrasive nor abstruse (regardless if the content is personal) to be sincere and personally moving. At least in my mind, I sought a deeper sense of satisfaction that stays after what the song would otherwise dictate musically. Lyrics that stood alone, for lack of better words to say, something with continuity. Within a short span of time, I've written a fair amount of songs for the band. These are just the ones with set lyrics. The others either lack them or their lyrics are incomplete.

College of Fine Arts and Design

“Yes, you just passed me by. (This is every morning, on the way to work.) We were just perfect strangers. Glances to the side, we painted smiles to say goodbye.” If this was to be tomorrow then kindly tell me where I was last night because if now is our every yesterday, I’d stay in these vignettes of your future my whole life.

I had long found my state of socialization rather stale by the middle of 2010. Meeting people outside the regular circle of indie kids, current/ex-punks and internet nerds seemed like the furthest thing from my mind at the time but when a close friend of mine called me over to Manila for her daughter's baptism, turns out the other godparents were rather interesting people. Regardless of whether or not I was ready to have an entirely new set of people in my life, they were there. Some of them, I've opened up to on a more personal level. Once people welcome each other into (or forcibly enter) the other's lives, that whole relationship becomes interminable. This was written from the standpoint of having just "signed up."

Softer Lights

Old wounds open up to the sight of a photograph and I don't know how to mend myself in the end. You always have to find a way to come back here, don't you? It feels familiar but unwelcome; this feeling, this regret. I'll never find a reason as adequate in my mind but we always have to part like this in the end. The truth is, I couldn't bear the sight of you being lovers with my friends. I wouldn't want to wish you ill but this will hurt you again and your wounds open up to the sight of our photographs. You won't know how to mend yourself in the end.

There was a time when mundane things like cigarette smoke or heavy traffic would trigger jolts of physical pain. Eventually, this started extending to certain mannerisms people had or clothes they wore or certain smells or color combinations. Having had a fair amount of complicated friendships in the past, this would happen often (incidents have been few and far between since then). Detached from the situation and context of my interaction with a former partner, I no longer feel this way about having that same person around. Where I finally come to terms with how things are in stasis, the same couldn't be said about the resentment that resonates from the other. This is about how some ends never meet halfway.

Forever Starts Today

I’m homesick, she won’t be home soon. How far could she travel in a day? Lovelorn, she still won’t be here. How long does a lover have to wait? Believe me, if it takes forever then I’ll take forever in a day. No, we’re not getting any younger but I’d still love you the same way. That’s if I remember how it felt, if I could still recall the taste; that second’s glimmer in your eyes, the scent that blossoms in your wake. We don’t tread on holy ground. We don’t belong here.

My friends often rag me for having "unrealistic standards" (the pre-requisite atheism/irreligion is referenced in the end) with regards to prospective partners. The list is long and I'd rather not have it out in public for fear of being pelted with rocks but yeah, I have a literal list. Whenever that card is pulled, I often reiterate the whole notion that there is a sense of satisfaction in being proven wrong about these people not existing. Having moved here (or in the process of moving, when this was written), I was awarded a new lease on life and I wanted to stake my claim the best way I could; in making the most of the wax and wane of life and living. It's been years since I was stable and for the first time since then, I've been inspired to go out and rebuild, to start new ties and return to nurturing old ones. This forward-looking mindset coupled with the inevitable desire for young love is my way of saying I'm back and I only have the rest of my life to live. Run away with me, please.

A Song For Four Octobers

We only lived so far away; the shortest hour and a half by plane. Watching time go by in islands, I wished I was close enough to say "I'll be with you in the morning, I'll be with you in the dark, I'll be with you when you miss me and I'll never be too far. I'll be with you in the sunset, I will follow through the dawn, I won't leave you when you're weary, even if you carry on." We only have the rest of our lives to know.

It's always been a fact of life until fairly recently, I was always attracted to people who lived far away. To be fair, it's not really because I was a fan of the distance but rather, it was more of a culture thing. Despite growing up back in DC, I never outgrew the sense of alienation I had towards other children. My hometown feels like less like home to me than a place I only see every so often. In retrospect, the familiarity of where I lived does make me yearn but being able to see the people you want to see, to be able to say things in private without a cellphone or a computer, I'm justified in saying this is completely worth it. I don't think I did any of my past relationships justice on account of ill-fated geography. This song is about devotion and a return to my own humanness.

Laura, You're Breaking My Heart

Hey Laura, you’re breaking my heart. Laura, you’re breaking my heart again. "I've never been touched and I've never been kissed, no. I've never been loved at all." "With silence you held me in the moments you left and I've never been loved at all." "It pains me to see you and how you smile when you need to, with soaked sheets and welling eyes." "It happens, I know but I'll see you tomorrow. Tomorrow, years ago."

Abuse has always been a matter I took to heart. Having been friends with a considerable number of people who were abused or raped as children, it always bothered me to see how deep the damage went and how long it went without resolve. These things never really go away and with that in mind, neither will my heartache and empathy.

From An Apartment On Vito Cruz

A quiet station’s meeting for months’ worth of parting, I missed the way we used to talk almost every morning. I would've painted the streets a color close to the sky, in the shades of color we spoke, without any reason why. Because the best thing about you was how you were always supposed to leave, as time wore on thin, so did the tangled webs we’d weave. Move slowly when you turn away again.

In 2009, I was recovering from a prolonged episode of major depression that carried itself over from early 2008. At that point, I had just met someone vaguely interesting and soon after, I was introduced to her circle of friends. Over time, I had grown close to three of them. Unprovoked, the said girl decided to block me on messenger and deleted me from all of her accounts following a date with 500 Days of Summer. Later on, I came to terms with the thought that it just wasn't worth it. I eventually lost track of the other two friends. They tend to chime in from time to time but they disappear just as quickly. It was fun when it was something. Now, it just gets dragging since there's nothing to talk about anymore.

Sisterloves

"Dante lies dead beneath these streets, Dante lies dead between you and me." Scribbled on the ceiling are paintings of the floor, fifteen years spent waiting for fifty years or more. I'm dreaming in the classroom, I'm taking in the view, I'll graduate sooner just to spend my nights with you.

A close friend confided in me about her attraction to a professor, having a slight crush on a friend's professor (one of the friends mentioned in Vito Cruz) I could strangely relate. Long story short, this is about how we'd think about setting the two of them up and living vicariously through the other. They're both literature professors, by the way.

Black Umbrellas

Caught in the breeze, I've been shaking; you're still crying on the phone. My will, once bent, is now breaking like the commitments we set in stone. Spend half a year in love with Europe, a noble host to sidewalk steps. Upon return, be kind and remember that a lover's word never forgets at all. Paper kites shot out to the heavens knowing they don't have much time. With their thin skins, their strings and the north winds, they do what they can to stay alive. Picture perfect in view of the daylight, this is all we have for now and all our chances of reconciling are just like that of sky and ground. I'll be happy the next time I see you, at least I'll try to look the part. When no truths appear self-evident, I'll have no choice but to move by heart. With each pulse and beat, I will find you; knowing you have left your mark. In your yearning, please understand that for all my ends, you were the start of it all.

I had different reasons for moving to Manila when I was younger. On account of being young, dumb and full of love, I let my naive side get to me. I set my life goals around eventually moving back here upon graduation. Certain relationships deteriorated and a number of goals have since been altered or completely scrapped since then. I learned to harbor no resentment towards that whole emotional mess and on a whole, I've started seeing this as the best way to motivate myself into doing something positive. Looking forward, this is about how motives change over time and how you still end up where you want to be regardless of how you got to that same conclusion.

Denise Marie Constant

You’re so quick to fall in love and I’m put off by the sight of you. Next time you’re here, don’t call me up because I’ll never feel the same way you do. So this is goodbye. Don’t sleep to dream of me, sleep because you need to sleep. From time to time, I’ll think of you but that’s the most you’ll get from me tonight. Even if it never comes to mind, it’s not that I’ve forgotten you. It’s just not worth all the sleepless nights that my sheets would have gone through without you here. I was so quick to fall in love. Now, I’m put off by the sight of you. Next time you’re here, don’t call me up because I’ll never feel the same way you do. At least not again.

There was this girl in class that I used to like. Reeling from a previous relationship, we started spending more time together. In as much as I would've liked to deny it at the time, I actually liked her. Not wanting to place her in the shadow of my ex, I commuted my conscious (mind you, conscious) motives to those geared towards plain friendship. Our actions spoke otherwise. To gloss things over, I sunk into the mindset of being at the right place at the wrong time. Before long, this whole thing soured and we stopped talking. Fresh into a new relationship, she rekindled ties with me. Eventually, things led back to that same situation only she had a boyfriend and couldn't make her mind up. By then, I knew better.

Beautiful In French

I once was told that I had the loveliest of eyes that night. The way they glistened then, they were like that all the time. Those nights, those lights; they don’t shine the way they used to. We don’t shine anymore.

This has a lot to do with stars. Prior to my last major breakup, I was particularly lively and I lost that for a while. Ever wondered when I got the glooms tag? When I talk about the glooms, this is when it started, right when that glow started to wane. Remember how stars seem to shine so bright from far away? That's light from millions of light years ago. The stars that shine the brightest, the ones that used to watch over you at night, they're all probably dead by now. This is when you realize that you've become one of those stars.

For A Second, Everyone In Eastwood Sleeps

I wish I knew how to say this, thinly veiled and in common language. Until then, this song will do. If only to tell you how I wish to be with you. The greatest part of the picture is the museum curator and I’m out of place, slowly falling out of favor. This is face value for now but I’ll save you for later. Just don’t hold me at fault for seeing the two of us together. I’ve been dreaming. I’ve just been dreaming.

Picking up on College of Fine Arts and Design, this is about that same situation. A couple of months after meeting them, I randomly ended up hanging out with one of them over the course of an afternoon in Eastwood. She spoke to me about Ceremony being her favorite New Order song and how she listens to Joy Division when she's mad. Thinking about the kinds of people I'd end up meeting now that I'm here, I spaced out and this whole song came to mind. It wrote itself, basically. Probably the least personal of my songs, though.

Ayala Cor. Paseo

With endless sidewalks to a looming office window, we could lose ourselves in traffic and sink with a thousand swirling light streaks. It would seem to make sense of the dense asphalt sea breaking still on each wave for a beach set in concrete. Could I still see you even if the sky blacks out? In parked cars, the haze, the contrails and the sound of you in hours. I'll see you, as far north as it gets in the south; through the wash of the earth, past the dirt and the dismal downpour. I'll see you tomorrow. I'll see you. See you.

I met this girl through a friend and as of late, I've been spending time with her. It's the first time I ever really got to see someone worthwhile on a semi-regular basis. This is all news to me and as time goes by, I find myself wanting to see the person more. It just feels so natural being around her, it's strange to think of a time she wasn't there. Feels like forever, really. I learn a lot from this person and the time is always worth it. I don't mind going home a bit later than usual or going a bit further. This whole thing makes me want to. She makes sense, why wouldn't I?

Asleep at a party

Okay, this should be fun. Let's try and derive substance from what may easily be construed as a night of reckless abandon, shall we? Well, it wasn't really a night of reckless abandon but Gimi did have a magnificent wipeout earlier that night and the alcohol did seem to flow on endlessly. Knowing me, this isn't how I usually spend my weekends. Hell, knowing me, I'm not usually one to spend the night at anyone else's house. I'm glad this is how I decided to cap my work week off though.

Since our Theology professor cancelled Friday class, I thought it would be high time for me to sleep in for once. Still reeling from how terrible I felt about Thursday's mess of a seminar-workshop, I really felt the need to do so. Waking up sometime in the afternoon, I felt a lot more relaxed (physically, at least) but just as uneasy about myself as when I went to bed. I really needed to decompress but at the same time, I couldn't spend time with anyone without being much of a drag. Experience would state that I'm a horrible bitch when it comes to transference.

Sad to say, I skipped on lunch with my classmates because of that. Well, okay mostly because my mother asked me to stay home in case she needed to drive out somewhere but that's besides the point. I was invited. Even if I couldn't eat crabs to save my life, I was invited. In retrospect, that's a really shitty way to look at the whole situation because I had an opportunity to take my mind off of things with my friends. Now I feel bad for not taking it for fear of pulling everyone down with my presence.

I guess I really didn't have much of a face to show. Well, either that or I couldn't figure out where my face went, first and foremost.

Later in the afternoon, I took it upon myself to find a more productive diversion. I figured that since a fuckton of my shirts no longer fit on account of my looming gut, I should get a couple of new ones for cheap. I needed to eat anyway, so I left the house around six. When I got to the mall, I didn't see anything that fit particularly well. Really wasn't sure about the sizes and all so I decided to wait on it instead to see if I change my mind the next time I go there. Around that time, Gimi texted me saying something to the effect of "the basic dudes are here, get your ass over here."

I thought it would be apt to make up for the opportunity I missed earlier so I went over to Gimi's. Priscilla was there, so was Dianne, Monica was taking pictures and Kryzl was there as well. We spent a good amount of time talking about random shit. In my case, mostly trying stave off the glooms but I ended up enjoying the night's episode of the Priscilla and Gimi show. I always have fun listening to those two talk about whatever. Maybe it's Gimi's basic-ness or how distinct Priscilla's tone of voice is but I couldn't give a fuck less, those two are always entertaining.

Gimi had a lot of drinks laid out but opted to give me a bottle of scotch which was about a third full at the time. I think I breezed through that third of scotch way faster than I should have. A good few glasses of wine later, we're on to the beer. After fucking around a bit in Gimi's empty pool, I passed out face down on the floor. I managed to get up, though. At least for a bit. At least enough to get me across the house and into Gimi's bathroom. I threw up a bit and passed out on the bathroom floor. Not particularly proud of that but hey, at least I flushed and cleaned the rim with some toilet paper. At the very least, I entertained Dianne at my own expense. ("You made higa sa bathroom floor, that was so cool." to be precise)

I remember going in and out of consciousness for a while. I also remember getting up from the bathroom floor and lying down on the couch in the music room. Didn't notice all the picture taking going on at the time but hey, looks like everyone had fun. Before I knew it, all the lights were off, all my friends had left and I had Swervedriver playing on my cellphone speakers to pass the time.

Woke up and left around 7 in the morning with that whole "WHERE THE FUCK AM I AND WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED!?" look on my face. I drove through a McDonald's to get some food and by 8:30AM, I was eating breakfast with my mother. I went to bed right after that and woke up sometime around lunch to find some of my friends laughing their asses off of things I said the night before.

Turns out, I had been drunk texting/calling people left and right while I was shitfaced. Highlights include the following:

Me: "Hey, I want you to know that I am never loving again."
Kai: "Oh, really?"
Me: "I don't know, maybe not but I will never love again!"

As if that wasn't bad enough I actually drunk called my own mother and here's what came up:

Me: "Moom!"
Mom: "Oh, what do you have to say for yourself?"
Me: "Moom, where's the doooog?"
Mom: "Nasa kwarto mo, inaantay ka. Pati si Burger, inaantay ka. Antagal mo e."
Me: "TELL THE DOG I SAID HI, OMG OMG OMG."

Yeah, typical drunk story but you guys have no idea how much that night meant to me. I love you, basic people. Thanks for cheering me up. Those pictures are hilarious btw.

Months of the great gloom

It's that time of the year again. These are the months of the great gloom and I am thus humbled. It is with sincere reverence that I give myself September up until February to reflect on the beauty found in the wake of each year's quiet passing. In perfect love and imperfect loving, I give myself back to the arms that held me up when I could no longer stand. To the concrete, I send my love. To the great gloom, I give these fragile hands.

There is no love here. In love, I am forever alone.

No matter how far life may take me, I send my love.

I've always hinted towards the way I take it as a personal betrayal to not write something down here; especially over prolonged stretches of time. It's been nothing less than devastating for the greater part of the two months I spent thinking I could put that guilt to good use. In hopes of providing myself with a means to facilitate generativity in other endeavors, I went on a "writing fast" of sorts. As a result, my presence on IDWTMYA waned. I was wrong about that whole neuroticism and would like to make amends.

Everyone, I'm back on IDWTMYA. I don't ever want to let this go. I'm so sorry.

A Nostalgic Fondness

A NOSTALGIC FONDNESS
Ten sweet songs to remind us of better times

Tracklist:

1. Julianna Barwick- Anjos
2. Color of Clouds- Left You
3. Lush- For Love
4. Irene- By Your Side
5. Dylan Mondegreen- Something To Dream On
6. Aberdeen- Sunny in California
7. Club 8- I Wasn't Much Of A Fight
8. Asobi Seksu- Pink Cloud Tracing Paper
9. Sweet Trip- Chocolate Matter
10. Rocketship- Hey Hey Girl

Total length: 35:02
Total size: 47.5mb

DOWNLOAD HERE

Serendipity

Well, you don’t always get what you want but that does however leave the grounds open for something that might come as a pleasant surprise. I went to that super secret underground guitar shop to find that the Japanese Jaguar copy I spoke of a while back had been sold. Disappointed, I sideways expected it. I did however come across this gem.

Since I always had a thing for naming inanimate objects, I’d like to introduce Marcella. She appears to be a cross between a Les Paul, an SG and a Telecaster. Tone-wise, she sounds fairly warm on the neck pickup setting and has this jangly old-school guitar pop sound when set to the bridge pickup. The neck feels just right. It’s bolted on. The body is lighter than expected. Overall, I’m still disappointed by my apparent lack of a Jaguar but this is a pleasant surprise. Serendipity. Whatever the hell this guitar is.

A worthy successor to my MIJ Thunder Mustang, Ardennes who in a few weeks time will find herself a new home in the loving hands of my good friend, Francis Cabal.

Oh please, be mine

Just give me one day, one day to get to you. Please, please, please.

Love in Athens- Resonance

Resonance

You're so quick to fall in love and I'm put off by the sight of you. Next time you're here, don't call me up because I'll never feel the same way you do. So this is goodbye. Don't sleep to dream of me, sleep because you need to sleep. From time to time, I'll think of you but that's the most you'll get from me tonight. Even if it never comes to mind, it's not that I've forgotten you. It's just not worth all the sleepless nights that my sheets would have gone through without you here.

I was so quick to fall in love. Now, I'm put off by the sight of you. Next time you're here, don't call me up because I'll never feel the same way you do. At least not again.

Camera Obscura- You Told A Lie

Camera Obscura- You Told A Lie

If you were a season you would be in bloom. I wish I had good reason to see you soon. There's no need to convince me that you're a catch. I bought my ticket I'm sold at last. Who was it that said that love conquers all? He was a fool 'cause it doesn't at all. Should I believe you told a lie? On the way to my heart and on the way back.

Are my eyes the coldest blue? You said once this was true. If it is I don't know what I'll do 'cause I'm stuck with them and they're stuck on you.

Was I a quiet little nothing who never challenged anyone or was I a lazy lazy snake? Do you want me to be a gentle diplomat or you can beg and you can plead.

Are my eyes the coldest blue? You said once this was true and if it is I don't know what I'll do 'cause I'm stuck with them and they're stuck on you.

First song for the new year

I hope this makes it to Love In Athens. Some parts I just threw together in my basement.

On the passing of the grand year

It's been beautiful, sitting on this side of the fence with no shortage of anticipation for the coming and passing of the grand year. As with every year she is to birth us, we tremble at the thought and revel in the excitement of her seemingly infinite possibilities; weightless, timeless and breathless.

This is goodbye, love. Will I ever see you again?

You have to stay young and beautiful if you want to be loved

Today is the first day of my life. After a year of dealing with the slow-burning heartache of long sleepless nights and tragic old pop songs, I'm able to say that with everything I've been through and everyone I've met within that span of time, I'm not the same person I was before. Recovery wasn't so much an effort to piece myself together as it was a path to at least partial self-discovery. Coming to terms with the parts of myself I particularly dislike and looking for ways to come closer to the kind of person I want to be, I couldn't really say much about how far I've gone. I wouldn't know to which extent I have but I'd really like to think I've gotten somewhere. From where I was standing, at least I'm something now.

I have always been a transient and as a transient, I finally found a home in my own transience. Emotions never last, neither do the circumstances that bring them into this plane of existence. Regardless of this, it is in fleeting human moments that I live by the day as I've come to believe that we're all only as impermanent as each other. What's a moment worth if we don't act on it? What's the point of living if we let all of these potentially precious moments pass?

There is truth in the maxim, 'hell is other people'. At least it's true the way I see it with the way people's lives send ripples across the universe in the things they say and do. Figurative heaven shouldn't be too far off either in that case if we're going to be polar with the meanings we ascribe as per Sartre's statement. Running the course of human interaction, it would be fairly safe to say we've all been up there at one point or another; just as often as we've gotten the shorter end of the stick as far as life with others is concerned. Simply put, so long as everything else is adequate; the quality of a person's life is seen in how the actors are situated within one's context and how one would choose to interpret its set differentials. Okay, so how does this perspective crap tie in with who I think I am now?

Yes, I've said this before; I'm a transient. I'm a transient because people are transient. It's inherent in human nature for us to come and go as life in itself is never at a standstill for us. That said, in recent memory a fair number of people have come in and out my door. Some, lasting longer than others. Some of them never really leave. In particular, very few ever stay long enough to make a noticeable impression on the way I live my life. One did and well, starting over plays a huge part in this as well.

Fine, I'll stop beating around the bush. Whereas I've opted to distract myself in any way I can for the greater part of the year, I guess you could say that since the day we started talking you've held my attention like no one else could. You are not one of those distractions. Among the people I've spoken to and met prior, you're the only one I took I ever seriously and without apprehension and well I'm thankful we bumped into each other in the first place. You have no idea how much I've come to regret what I've done to you or how wrong I was to question what this was worth. Whatever this is, it means something. I believe it does. There's no better way for me to word it as I've only so much to say about you and I and how this matters in the greater scheme of things. I know you're not into indie pop, you think twee is gay and shoegaze might just bore you to death but like Sarah Records band The Harvest Ministers once said, 'you do my world a world of good.' I'm sorry, Nics. I'm really at a loss for words.

You could be anywhere else but here with anyone else but me but for whatever this is worth, a part of me will always wait for you; walking the same streets, sitting in the corner of the same cafes. I'm making you something, I just hope I get to give it to you soon.

Happy birthday. I'll always just be here for you, waiting in your shadow; sitting idly by with a book in my hand and hazy eyes to match. Now, where have you been all of my life?




P.S.

Hey, this is a long shot but when you get back what about lunch? :)

P.P.S.

Honestly speaking, if anyone else is wondering why I never went on about what I ended up like since the earlier paragraphs were almost set to explain I just want to say that I've been listening to too much of My Bloody Valentine's 2008 remastering of their seminal release, Loveless. Listen to that album, read the lyrics and that would probably do a good job of explaining and well yeah, I'm going to explain what the rest of this means some other time.

P.P.P.S.

Now I know what it looks like when you're blogging, you fall asleep and you continue when you wake up. Look how split in half this thing is. Lol.

Life in terminals, twenty years hence

If I had to sum the narrative of my life up in just one statement, it would have to be a line by Ian Curtis; "touching from a distance, further all of the time" from Joy Division's song, Transmission. This wouldn't come as a surprise to anyone who frequents I Don't Want To Miss You Anymore, tell us something we don't already know. Hinting at yet another encounter with the said narrative by way of having mentioned it in the first place would be completely justifiable given the nature of the past few months for me. As of the moment, I think I may have exhausted the notion of distance as an underlying theme in the formation of my character in previous years; this will no longer be about that. The past for the most part shall now remain distal as I have chosen to situate myself as a person of today, living and acting in the present.

In previous entries, I have interchangeably used the terms wayfarer and drifter to describe what I see as the condition of a perennial lack of permanence in the field of human relations; at least as far as the individual situation and shared phenomenology is concerned. More often than not, I use these terms in reference to myself. These two shall however make way for the usage of a more canonical term from within my personal taxonomy. From now on, I am a transient. The whole notion of being a transient and its inherent transience shall now stand over distance as the basic foundation of my rambling under the premise that whereas both distance and transience imply situation, being a transient assumes movement whereas the distant subject operates from within the condition of distance.

Long story short, I'll be writing from a slightly different perspective. It's about time I did.


Focusing on enrollment and the first few weeks of class for the greater part of November, I haven't really spoken much on the things I've seen and/or done during the semestral break. A while back, my band went on a short tour of Luzon, hitting three dates over the span of five days. Last year's tour was incredibly botched with guitars getting knocked out of tune, me disappearing intermittently and having the guys commute place to place with a box full of merch I promised to carry. Don't forget how I so conveniently left our drummer's return ticket all the way in Tondo. It was terrible to say the least.

Not wanting for any of this to happen again, I sought to help make this year's tour run as smoothly as it possibly could. I managed to secure transport and a place to stay, hooked us up with shows and everything. Paeng gets to Manila first, the three of us follow a few days later. Save for the long trips between shows and the place we stayed in, things went by rather smoothly. A few friends of ours helped us out and made the whole endeavor particularly enjoyable, organizers, other bands, bums, comic book nerds, elitist hipster snobs et al.

First show was for Joe and Tubby Trousers productions; came home with a cd from Ponchie of Encounters With A Yeti, an amazing post-rock band with an awesome ass video to go along with their live set. A lot of great bands that night, I feel like crap for missing FilterFilter though. Aunt Audrey was nice though. Second show was Earth Decay '09 in San Pablo, Laguna for our good friend and hardcore dad, Agee Linan. Aunt Audrey was there, too. Got there just in time for Wagyu (also known as that band with the really pretty drummer) and that blistering set from the fastest band in the land, Rush IxDx. Got bumped off the lineup quite a few times, which pissed us off a bit but well we got to play, so all's well. It's not easy organizing events like this anyway. Omerta and Curse/Gift didn't get to play which disappointed me, but seeing bands like Shoulder State, Goo, and Tame The Tikbalang left me content. Still royally hating myself for not going to SPC earlier to see Agee's last set with Legarda ever, Ang Bandang Shirley and Ginseng Luzon. Third and last show was for the up and coming Asterisk* Collective, show with quite a number of real screamo bands played that night and it was easily the set I enjoyed the most among the three. Crowd reception was great over the course of the whole tour, first time we've ever had people move to the things we played, much less sing our lyrics back to us. Amazing shows, those three.

While not playing shows, I chose to spend most of my time with some new acquaintances; one of which, I had a particular interest in. I think I've mentioned her a few times in IDWTMYA but yeah. This really didn't end well between me and her. After weighing things out, it's better this way. Sure, I felt like I was led on at some point but I'd like to put that behind me. We just weren't coming from the same time and place. As for her friends, well we still talk. They're fun to talk to from time to time so it couldn't be all bad. It's nice to have a little crazy every now and then, at least not the kind of crazy I'm used to. Now fuck off, Carl Rogers. On to other matters.

Oh, on a side note our drummer left a few weeks after tour following a fairly messy set. We're still working out arrangements for a replacement but we surely will miss the guy. He's been there since day one and did a lot for this band. We'll miss you, man. Move on to greater things and make us proud.


Came home on the 29th of October to enroll for the second semester. Nerves shot to shit, I was incredibly tense as to my status in the AB-Psychology program. If there's anything I want to get around to, it's graduating so I could get the hell out of here. I couldn't afford to stay in college any longer than I have to, there's just too much riding on this for me to take everything lightly. Apart from what my folks are spending on this and the time I've already spent in school, there's just too much of an emotional investment in the program and its people from this end.

I'm incredibly enthusiastic about this semester and I've got all the textbooks I need for this; additional references, a new schoolbag, notebooks, supplies et al. Sure, I spent the greater part of the first week in queue in and around the SS Division for the absurdly tedious task of adding and dropping subjects but I got the job done and classes are working out well so far. The professors are amazing and I love all of them. I have 21 units this semester and I'm enrolled in Social Psychology, Experimental Psychology and Research, Agrarian Reform and Taxation, Writing Across the Disciplines, Cognitive Psychology, Abnormal Psychology and Christian States of Life.

What's my target grade for this semester? Well, that I wouldn't know. All I'm saying is I intend to deserve what I get and things are looking good.


Sleep has been off for the past few days. Personally, I find that a bit off given that my sleep patterns were actually a lot more stable during the semestral break. Good thing I have that new alarm clock though, it really helps me wake up in the morning. That coffee mom brought home from Indonesia works too but still, I'm going to have to rest earlier to make sure I have enough energy for the day to come. Next stop, I should probably work on my diet but first thing's first I need to learn how to sleep.


Since we got home from tour, the CB guys and I took it upon ourselves to let the band a rest a while given how tiring the whole thing was. Consequently, this left me with a lot more time to work on my other bands and projects. Since 2006, I've been doing some solo material- fairly recently under the moniker, Love In Athens. Recently, I just added a new member and things are turning out well for the both of us. We're working on new songs for various compilations.

I've also been playing bass in a Tragedy style hardcore/punk band called Disobjectify with Paeng on guitar and vocals and Paris from Capgun Robbery and We Spell Disaster on drums. That shoegaze band IP and Wilson were starting with me and Janno is on the back burner but I have Love In Athens for that as of the moment. A friend of Denise and I, TJ might get me to play bass and do some programming for this band he's starting. Hopefully it ends up shoegazey enough for my tastes too. We're all into My Bloody Valentine and M83 type stuff so it shouldn't be too far off.


This bastard still follows me around everywhere I go. He's been following me for a few months now and it's driving me nuts. Okay, okay, I exaggerated a bit there. Statistically, it's highly probable that I may see the same cab a number of times especially when we most probably travel the same routes from time to time. It's just weird how many times I have to run into 666. How kvlt is that?


Well, took me a while to put this up but that's the past few weeks for you. It had its ups and downs but it was all worth it. I see good things ahead and well, I'm still taking things one day at a time. See you soon, IDWTMYA!

Now I know what you're in my life for

Love In Athens have a new song up on myspace, it's called 'Parang awa mo na, bayaran mo na utang mo'. This song leans towards a more bedroom/dreampop sound; tried messing out with different mixes and given the quality of the mic recording I think the hazier vocals fit better with what I'm trying to go for. I hope Denise likes it though. Lyrically, it's about how unexpected events bring about the frustrations of shared experience.

On a side note, our good mutual friend Paolo Segura is moving to Manila to live up to the whole Nescafe Soundskool thing. Denise and Paolo have been friends since forever and even if I've only known him for a fraction of the time she has, I guess I'd miss him too. Walking around Damosa earlier on in the evening, we were talking about what it would be like in his absence. After joking around a bit, she had this to say: "You know, it sort of hit me. I was thinking if anyone would be able to take his place while he's away. Now, I know what you're in my life for."

As for taking that supporting friend role, I could never be the friend who's been there for years and years; I could however be the friend who keeps her company while he's away. I guess this ties in with shared experience and well, given the time we've spent, the time we're spending and the time we are to spend together; we only have room to grow.

To friendship, Paolo and Love In Athens. Now I know what I'm in your life for.

Love In Athens on Myspace
Love In Athens on Last.fm

More from Love In Athens

Love In Athens has been dormant since October given that Caitlyn Bailey was on tour and I had to rush back to school right after for enrollment and class. I missed out on writing the Serenity EP with Nep-C a while back since I single-handedly fucked my laptop over while trying to install Windows 7. Lost files and presets so yeah. Recently, I decided to throw other people in the mix by coming up with a full lineup for Athens. Not everyone has been immediately available to work on this with me but as hinted in earlier entries, Denise has shown an interest in working with me and will be singing. Since I'm with her everyday, getting to her wouldn't be a problem at all. For the meantime, the live setup thing would have to wait. Til then, Love In Athens is a two-piece. We'll be in a few compilations and will be writing a few more songs. Hope this turns out well. As for other matters, I see a huge-ass summary blog covering past few weeks real soon.

Here's the lyrics for the new song I'm working with:

Parang awa mo na, bayaran mo na utang mo

These things are the hardest to let go, these things we'd rather keep to ourselves; the things that only we should know that put our friendships to the test. 3860 words to save your breath for. Well I don't think we have much to say anymore. Is this worth the time we're both wasting and why? This is taking the worst of me and I feel it's just as bad for you. Don't just stare at me, we both know this is out of line. Oh Adrian, if only you knew half of the things I had to say to you. I miss us.

P.S.

I'd personally like to thank Khai Bacolod for coming up with the inspiration for the song.

Is there room for love after modernity?

Thanks to Mia leaving me her bass for the meantime since she left for Japan, I have recently gotten around to playing a little bit of bass again. It's taking a little bit of getting used to but hey, it's an instrument and it would probably do me a lot of good to do something different for a change.

Since I wanted to practice playing live and making music I couldn't do with my other bands and projects, I started a shoegaze band with IP from We Ride Dynamite, Wilson from the Chickenfeeds and Janno the drummer guy who always hangs around Mixatune Studios. Currently, the whole thing doesn't have a name yet but we're most probably getting together sometime this Wednesday to throw some ideas around.

This is something I'd really want to pull of since I'm a huge shoegaze and indie pop fan. Besides, gives me another reason to dress up at shows.

Maybe there is room for love after modernity after all.

There's got to be a morning after

For the first time in a long time, I'm happy to wake up alone; happy enough seeing the view outside my window without anyone next to me. I feel light-hearted today but not in the complacent sort of way I'm usually predisposed to. Looking back at that last entry, it made more sense thinking I said what I did because I'm lonely; not because of anything a particular person said or done. I guess it's something I come back to since I have no other frames of reference as to times when I didn't have to feel that way. The thought of having someone to be with is nice but for the moment, I don't see why I have to be so anxious. I could still experience love by giving it, can't I?

I'll tear out the old pages and draw myself where they used to be. THIS IS MY MORNING AFTER.

A lifetime of empty journal entries

Hello there, everyone. Meet Denise Marie T. Madrazo, she's been a classmate of mine for quite a while and recently she has come forward as a contributor and co-conspirator for Love In Athens. As some of you may remember, there was an eponymous song a while back. It wouldn't be wrong to assume that her connection to Love In Athens goes just as far back as well. I guess she's been listening since day one and continues to listen albeit the crude mixing and quality of my instrumental work. I thought hey if she likes it enough to know my song titles by heart, then she ought to have a piece of the pie. (pun intended) We started throwing ideas around since I made that EP for her boyfriend, Gab's birthday and well go figure it wasn't that far off to ask if she could sing.

Love In Athens on "Serenity" would still be Nep-C Ledesma and yours truly but as for future plans, from November onwards LIA will stop being a solo project and will feature a live setup with Denise on vocals and occasional piano with another friend of mine, Jadyee from sludgecore unit, A Liturgy Mired on guitar and electronics. I will be singing with Denise at times but for the most part I'll be playing bass and still handle some of the programming duties.

On a side note, DON'T LET DENISE OPEN YOUR BEDROOM WINDOW! As for now, I'm still trying to fend off the endless swarm of assorted woodland creatures that invaded my room last night. As far as I'm concerned, the only invasive exotic in here is ME.

That would be all for now. I'm really excited to get to work on this right after Caitlyn Bailey's short Luzon tour.


Next stop, a Love In Athens tour? Let's see where this goes.