What you want

Upon asking about your personal relations with people, you made mention of how you held people close but never had any best friends. You slept over that night, much like many other nights before. Half-asleep, you pulled me closer to whisper in my ear, "Truth is, you're the closest thing I have to a best friend. I love you to bits and you mean the world to me. You mean everything to me." I lay there still. Since you came along, I slept with the comfort of your touch. To feel you in a little less than a week, a little less than a day, a little less than an hour and upon waking. That means the world to me. With all the faces that flash by me in transit, someone decided to stay. She sees me every week, every other day. She sleeps in my bed, has space in my closet and walks around the house with her own pair of slippers. This person is a part of me. She's a part of me. The fleeting afterthought of a "she" runs a far second to the thought of you, a farther third to the thought of you and I. This is us, not the mere thought but the truth of.

Even so, I find myself at a loss for words with the sound of my name on your lips. How am I supposed to respond? I can't say your name when you're around. The way I feel for you stretches further than a name ever could. My love for you is formless, boundless and as fluid as the twin rivers of sleep and waking. You are everything, all of the time. Call to me, say my name the way you do and no one ever has to speak. You know I'm always with you. Yours. Just yours. You, just you.

Dissonance, everything dissonant, you're that quiet, timeless place I always yearned for. With you, I am at peace.

The year's end calls for a bout of sleep-deprived introspection. This would be the best time if ever to sum things up. This year has been marked by some jagged transitions, moving to the capital, finding work, coming to grips with the demands of age and the constellations of my personal life. It hasn't been the easiest but somehow, I got by. I've seen some personal relationships deteriorate while others convalesce. This is a marked by yearning, inked by change and written by moving forward.

I've decided to resume work on my undergraduate thesis. At the same time, I've decided to pursue my graduate studies this year. Since moving, I've grown closer to my father and by association, his side of the family. For once, it felt like I actually belonged to something. Maybe it's the need to make up for lost time? I can't say. It's strange, but a welcome turn of events. More than most things however, I met someone. I got lucky and fell in love. Everything else remains a hazy afterthought.

Her name is Alva, the strangest luck for this space in time. A life partner, a best friend and the only lover to share this lonesome bed. Yearning for someone who gets it for once, I now have someone to turn to. A passionate lover, host to a brilliant mind, a love to spend a lifetime.

You're one of the strongest people I know and I'm hard-pressed to run out of reasons to admire you. You inspire me, hold me captive. I yearn for you when you're away from me and I adore you when you're close. Each and every inch of you, I do. A thousand times over, a thousand times yes.

...and I quote: "I love you because you get it. I love you because I don't have to explain. I love you because you're easy to love. I love you because a part of me melts whenever I glance at you sleeping. I love you more than anything. I love you."

I love you. As the year closes on us with tired yet hopeful eyes, I look to every tomorrow to see you. We grow a year older with each other, let's start adding years til we grow old together.

We only have the rest of our lives. See you soon.