Formspring, in response

How are you?

I am currently NOT doing my long overdue paper in experimental psychology and thesis writing. I'm also hating myself for thinking that I've bitten off more than I could chew. At the same time, frustrated at how much lip service I can pay when I know this could be done but I'm just not doing it. Speaking of doing it, I haven't gotten any since 3p09458929 years ago so you could imagine what kinds of frustration start piling up. Okay, back to work.

Are you in love? To whom?

Honestly speaking, I wish. I want to be. There isn't a waking moment where I didn't wish I was in love somehow but that doesn't come without its own fair share of sad truths. Just because you're closer than you thought you'd ever get to something and/or someone you genuinely (for lack of a better word) desire, doesn't necessarily mean you'll be welcome when you get to their hearts' front door. You could get turned down, you could crash your car and end up quadriplegic, get stuck in traffic, have a friend die, have family try and reel you in for "important" surprise trips or you could find yourself stranded at home because of harsh and unforgiving weather. That's all just on the way there. There are 3804928049832094 ways to skin a cat and there just as many reasons to not make things any easier. I just don't want to hope more than I have to anymore. It's hard to love when there are no guarantees. Hell, even statistically favorable chances of the whole thing doing well would've been fine to work with. There is little or no thrill in taking risks either if those same risks inevitably (and repeatedly) lead to the same unfavorable outcome so either I'm cynical or just scared of making the same mistake twice... or thrice. I lost count. Just to reiterate, I wish I was in love. If I happened to want to love someone and that person for one reason or another thinks it would be good to act on it for once (just as much as I do) then I don't see why I wouldn't be.

Sorry if I keep straying from the question. I don't know if I'm making any sense at all.

Will you, by chance, sleep with another man?

I'd rather not, but I'm not ruling that out either. Then again, I'm probably saying that because I haven't gotten any for 329804832048329 years and I'm desperate. Well fuck this, honestly speaking no.

Are the rumors true? Are you bisexual, immune to STD's and lacking in any standards?

There's a rumor mill for me? Wow, I never knew that. As for your questions, I'm attracted to women. Always have been. To date, I have yet to develop any significant attractions towards men so I guess I'm pretty straight. Although if you know me, I really am skeptical of absolutes. As for being immune to STD's, maybe it's because I'm also immune to sex. Seriously speaking, I'd prefer my sex safe unless I trust where my partner's been enough to try it without protection. Lacking in any standards? Shit, son. I'm precisely the way I am because my standards are too high to work around. Some more than others in various fields. I only ever have standards for issues and criteria I actively address so it wouldn't necessarily apply if you asked me for my standards on things that don't naturally occur from within my context. I hope that answers your question well enough.

Are your parents atheist?

My parents are both practicing Catholics, my mother more so. I'm the first little heathen in the family. They're consciously aware of me being agnostic which I find very favorable. My mother never taught me to buy into anything hook line and sinker. She always made it a point to let me know that there is no singular way to the truth and that everything else is just semantics. We sort of get each other on that level, she chose her beliefs because they made sense to her as I did with mine.

Masaya ka ba sa mundong ginagalawan mo?

In all of its absurdities, I still find reasons to believe that there's always something beautiful around the corner. Cynicism is cynicism but I do have my hopes and my hopes for myself and the world around me are due in part to having a fairly adequate grasp of what kind of world I'm in. It's far from perfect but there's always something to do for it to make it appeal to me in the very least. I've been feeling pretty shitty lately but hey, it comes with the contract. As Bobby Wratten said, "The world is beautiful and it's waiting."

If it was you, could you have done it any better? Wiser? Smarter? Or could you have done it just the same? Stupid? Headstrong? Close Minded? and Love fooled?

I'd probably make my own mistakes, take in their consequences and end up with my own fair share of regrets. I've been stupid, headstrong, close minded and lovefooled. The next time something like this happens, I'd probably have a little less of those faults and walk into a whole new mess for myself.

I'm an atheist but what is the purpose of filipino freethinkers? I don't know, whats the point?

Well, here's the thing. As with all groups that work towards a common end, the Filipino Freethinkers group seeks to forward the advancement of critical and rational thought as per the Philippine context. This is something that stems from its members' collective and individual stances on certain relevant truths and the questioning of their established status quos. Either that or it's just this big party of arrogant heathens. Pretty cool heathens, I might add.