Umwertung aller Werte

It's that time of year again. December of last year was a terrible and monumentally bitter time for me, thus leading me to try and redefine myself as an individual. I'm not exactly Nietzschean but the transvaluation of all values may yield some points I could draw from. Phenomenalism apart from the phenomenological crap I throw around every now and then may be a point of interest for me and may provide additional insight as to my development and subsequent interactions throughout the course of the year.

Seriously speaking, I don't have plans of walking out of this town as I have countless times before. Haphazard lifesmanship isn't an option at all. I intend to have a face to show when I leave here and I intend to deserve what I get. This has been an off week and I have to get back on track.

This is one of those times where I just can't say what I feel. Maybe I'm just tired, I don't know. Guess I should get some sleep.

I'll feel better in the morning. Sometimes I just have to remind myself of these things to make sure I stay on course.

My Bloody Valentine- Strawberry Wine

My Bloody Valentine- Strawberry Wine

Misty morning in the springtime; close your eyes, crystal eyes. On the darkside, let the light shine. Please, please stay with me tonight. These lips will find strawberry wine. I was looking at your window, lurking there beneath my feet. Cherry apples, long grass meadows; searching I, for dreams in sleep. These lips will find strawberry wine. Misty morning in the springtime, lurking there beneath your feet. On the darkside, let the light shine; think of me, don't let me keep. These lips will find strawberry wine.

Have we been misconstrued?

I don't like how everyone's been asking me if there's anything going on between me and one of my close friends. Okay, at first I thought it was cute but honestly speaking it's gotten quite annoying to say the least. We're close friends, at least I think we are. We share the same classes and play in a band together. I know exactly what this is and when people see this differently, it just makes the whole thing really awkward. Maybe I should lay off a sec and try to calm down about everything before I try to put things into perspective. It's understandable to be a little hazy after all that's happened this month; a friend dying, seething discontent with Philippine politics, the fact I'm perennially loveless and Caitlyn Bailey's indefinite hiatus.

Truth be told, I don't even know how to say it. I'm that frustrated and as per the Francis Maria pattern, one thing leads to another and I end up panicking too much to keep my head straight enough to get things done. I've seen it happen before and there's no way I could let this pass. This shouldn't affect my output, I've already had enough for this week and I'm going to have to force myself to get back on track. Fuck this. Fuck you, fuck everyone else.

This is one of those times when I miss just having someone there for me to make me feel better when I'm like this. Likewise, I missed doing this for someone who wants me to be there for her for the same reasons. Yeah, I know. I could always run to my friends for this or I could always do my thing and go with the 'yes, I can do this! I'm resilient!' schtick but realistically speaking, like all human beings I have my needs too. Not that I'm complaining, statistically speaking this happens to everyone. Circumstances aside, I'd just want for things to be a little more favorable. I'm not alone, I don't think I'm that lonely but it's that special kind of intimacy I crave for and at this point it's unavailable.

Okay, I'm frustrated over pretty much everything. Enough of this rambling, Lord Gloom has to sleep. It's because of me being this way that the aforementioned issues take on a life of their own and it's just not cool like that.

I'll feel better when morning comes to town.

Damages to the archive

Well, they just go by the name Damages. They are definitely going into my archives though. Ran into these guys on myspace and I swear they're one of the nicest bands I've ever gotten to talk to from Canada. They sent a box full of Damages shirts, stickers, pins, a few copies of All Through A Life's 7" record, a few copies of Damages' Scars 7" and Render Useless' CD Discography. Andrew, I couldn't thank you enough. My band/s owe you a fuckload of material as well. Til then I'll whore the shit out of you and all your bands.

Thank you, Damages!

DAMAGES on MYSPACE

A year in the farthest city

On a much lighter note, we celebrated my birthday last Saturday. Last year, we had a few people over but this time around with new friends and all I decided to ask some more people to come. Kevin and the Model UN came over, members of Caitlyn Bailey and Stolen At Gunpoint as well apart from Denise from Love In Athens. The preparations were rather rushed and some people weren't able to come over but on a whole, with the movies and amount of dumb shit that happened that day and the morning after this would be one of the more memorable birthdays I've been through.

The food was great, didn't eat as much as I thought I would but I'm happy about what we had that night and enjoyed eating my share. All Denise had was ice cream, which is a total rip but yeah everything's cool. I loved the spaghetti tho.

Last year, everything was way too quiet and turned out to be a lot more depressing than I thought it would be. Despite what happened on Saturday morning, things went well enough to make me say that the day went by smoothly. Like I said, things were pretty good and I have these bastards to thank for making the day memorable. My parents included, of course.

Holy shit, Love In Athens was at my birthday! Oh wait, I'm half of Love In Athens! The other half of LIA was there too, she didn't really stay long though but the fact she was there made me feel better already. Either way, I'm happy she made it. If it helps, she kept the whole thing from becoming a total sausagefest. More than that though, I'm glad I have a friend like her. She cares for me so yeah, it's always good having her around. If you're reading this, btw please feel better. I couldn't help but think of what we talked about before you went to bed and well, I'm worried for you but that's a completely different matter. Moving on...

I don't have to explain this, IT'S THE BLACK SHIT FROM GERMANY! Your argument is invalid, I have Jagermeister! Thanks for this, Mom. You're awesome.

The morning after: Clean-ups, fuck-ups and waking up. Many thanks to everyone who helped make this birthday memorable. It wouldn't have been the same without you and simple gatherings like this mean a lot to me. Thank you everyone, I'll see you later in the morning.

I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour, but heaven knows I'm miserable now

It was Saturday morning when I woke up to find a number of people asking me what happened to Peter of Davao City thrashcore band, As A Whole. Knowing what he's been through over the course of the past few months, I braced for the worst and tried my best to think that these people were referring to a previous attempt on his life.

That wasn't the case. On November 28, 2009, Peter Bautista or Jikko/Geeko as we've come to know him stepped forward and walked past the threshold of where life is said to begin and end. He was well aware of the implications of his actions, I suppose. At the very least, he knew or at least he was convinced that this was the only thing left for him to do. Whatever it is, he made his decision and whether or not we agree with it, it's something we're all going to have to live with.

Peter and I were good friends or at least I'd like to think we were. It all started when Paeng and I asked As A Whole to play this show we organized in 2007 which took the scattered parts of what was to be the current Davao City hardcore scene. A few weeks later, we started coordinating and putting things together under the banner of the City Of Thorns Crew following that memorable meet-up/planning session over at Honda Motors, Buhangin. Since then, Peter has been a fairly huge part of my life.

He's been a brother to me ever since. We occasionally fought and disagreed over things but that's not to discount the fact that he did help me out with so many things from family matters to issues with friends and the scene to helping my band come into its own.

Some may never know what would've driven him to this but to those close enough to see it unfold, we only wish him the best wherever he is.

Death is the day we stop dreaming and Pranaka, your spirit remains and keeps on moving. It moves with us and we'll carry that part of you in OUR dreams.

Sleep well, Peter. Your spirit is free.

I will never regret having met you, played and organized shows with you, sang on your record, helped your get your stuff out there in any way I can and everything else we've ever done as friends.

Thanks for everything, Peter. You will be missed.

Why thank you, parents!

Mom, you really know how to make me smile from time to time. Sometimes I really look for your good crazy. Thanks for getting me that Diana F+, mom and dad! I love you two.