I don't like how everyone's been asking me if there's anything going on between me and one of my close friends. Okay, at first I thought it was cute but honestly speaking it's gotten quite annoying to say the least. We're close friends, at least I think we are. We share the same classes and play in a band together. I know exactly what this is and when people see this differently, it just makes the whole thing really awkward. Maybe I should lay off a sec and try to calm down about everything before I try to put things into perspective. It's understandable to be a little hazy after all that's happened this month; a friend dying, seething discontent with Philippine politics, the fact I'm perennially loveless and Caitlyn Bailey's indefinite hiatus.
Truth be told, I don't even know how to say it. I'm that frustrated and as per the Francis Maria pattern, one thing leads to another and I end up panicking too much to keep my head straight enough to get things done. I've seen it happen before and there's no way I could let this pass. This shouldn't affect my output, I've already had enough for this week and I'm going to have to force myself to get back on track. Fuck this. Fuck you, fuck everyone else.
This is one of those times when I miss just having someone there for me to make me feel better when I'm like this. Likewise, I missed doing this for someone who wants me to be there for her for the same reasons. Yeah, I know. I could always run to my friends for this or I could always do my thing and go with the 'yes, I can do this! I'm resilient!' schtick but realistically speaking, like all human beings I have my needs too. Not that I'm complaining, statistically speaking this happens to everyone. Circumstances aside, I'd just want for things to be a little more favorable. I'm not alone, I don't think I'm that lonely but it's that special kind of intimacy I crave for and at this point it's unavailable.
Okay, I'm frustrated over pretty much everything. Enough of this rambling, Lord Gloom has to sleep. It's because of me being this way that the aforementioned issues take on a life of their own and it's just not cool like that.
I'll feel better when morning comes to town.
Truth be told, I don't even know how to say it. I'm that frustrated and as per the Francis Maria pattern, one thing leads to another and I end up panicking too much to keep my head straight enough to get things done. I've seen it happen before and there's no way I could let this pass. This shouldn't affect my output, I've already had enough for this week and I'm going to have to force myself to get back on track. Fuck this. Fuck you, fuck everyone else.
This is one of those times when I miss just having someone there for me to make me feel better when I'm like this. Likewise, I missed doing this for someone who wants me to be there for her for the same reasons. Yeah, I know. I could always run to my friends for this or I could always do my thing and go with the 'yes, I can do this! I'm resilient!' schtick but realistically speaking, like all human beings I have my needs too. Not that I'm complaining, statistically speaking this happens to everyone. Circumstances aside, I'd just want for things to be a little more favorable. I'm not alone, I don't think I'm that lonely but it's that special kind of intimacy I crave for and at this point it's unavailable.
Okay, I'm frustrated over pretty much everything. Enough of this rambling, Lord Gloom has to sleep. It's because of me being this way that the aforementioned issues take on a life of their own and it's just not cool like that.
I'll feel better when morning comes to town.
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