Why thank you, parents!

Mom, you really know how to make me smile from time to time. Sometimes I really look for your good crazy. Thanks for getting me that Diana F+, mom and dad! I love you two.

We will always float in dead trajectory

We've been floating in dead trajectory since November 26, 1989. We will never be the same again. I'm now officially 20. I intend to live longer than this. Thank you everyone, I love you. All of you.

That would be everyone but you for tonight.

Life in terminals, twenty years hence

If I had to sum the narrative of my life up in just one statement, it would have to be a line by Ian Curtis; "touching from a distance, further all of the time" from Joy Division's song, Transmission. This wouldn't come as a surprise to anyone who frequents I Don't Want To Miss You Anymore, tell us something we don't already know. Hinting at yet another encounter with the said narrative by way of having mentioned it in the first place would be completely justifiable given the nature of the past few months for me. As of the moment, I think I may have exhausted the notion of distance as an underlying theme in the formation of my character in previous years; this will no longer be about that. The past for the most part shall now remain distal as I have chosen to situate myself as a person of today, living and acting in the present.

In previous entries, I have interchangeably used the terms wayfarer and drifter to describe what I see as the condition of a perennial lack of permanence in the field of human relations; at least as far as the individual situation and shared phenomenology is concerned. More often than not, I use these terms in reference to myself. These two shall however make way for the usage of a more canonical term from within my personal taxonomy. From now on, I am a transient. The whole notion of being a transient and its inherent transience shall now stand over distance as the basic foundation of my rambling under the premise that whereas both distance and transience imply situation, being a transient assumes movement whereas the distant subject operates from within the condition of distance.

Long story short, I'll be writing from a slightly different perspective. It's about time I did.


Focusing on enrollment and the first few weeks of class for the greater part of November, I haven't really spoken much on the things I've seen and/or done during the semestral break. A while back, my band went on a short tour of Luzon, hitting three dates over the span of five days. Last year's tour was incredibly botched with guitars getting knocked out of tune, me disappearing intermittently and having the guys commute place to place with a box full of merch I promised to carry. Don't forget how I so conveniently left our drummer's return ticket all the way in Tondo. It was terrible to say the least.

Not wanting for any of this to happen again, I sought to help make this year's tour run as smoothly as it possibly could. I managed to secure transport and a place to stay, hooked us up with shows and everything. Paeng gets to Manila first, the three of us follow a few days later. Save for the long trips between shows and the place we stayed in, things went by rather smoothly. A few friends of ours helped us out and made the whole endeavor particularly enjoyable, organizers, other bands, bums, comic book nerds, elitist hipster snobs et al.

First show was for Joe and Tubby Trousers productions; came home with a cd from Ponchie of Encounters With A Yeti, an amazing post-rock band with an awesome ass video to go along with their live set. A lot of great bands that night, I feel like crap for missing FilterFilter though. Aunt Audrey was nice though. Second show was Earth Decay '09 in San Pablo, Laguna for our good friend and hardcore dad, Agee Linan. Aunt Audrey was there, too. Got there just in time for Wagyu (also known as that band with the really pretty drummer) and that blistering set from the fastest band in the land, Rush IxDx. Got bumped off the lineup quite a few times, which pissed us off a bit but well we got to play, so all's well. It's not easy organizing events like this anyway. Omerta and Curse/Gift didn't get to play which disappointed me, but seeing bands like Shoulder State, Goo, and Tame The Tikbalang left me content. Still royally hating myself for not going to SPC earlier to see Agee's last set with Legarda ever, Ang Bandang Shirley and Ginseng Luzon. Third and last show was for the up and coming Asterisk* Collective, show with quite a number of real screamo bands played that night and it was easily the set I enjoyed the most among the three. Crowd reception was great over the course of the whole tour, first time we've ever had people move to the things we played, much less sing our lyrics back to us. Amazing shows, those three.

While not playing shows, I chose to spend most of my time with some new acquaintances; one of which, I had a particular interest in. I think I've mentioned her a few times in IDWTMYA but yeah. This really didn't end well between me and her. After weighing things out, it's better this way. Sure, I felt like I was led on at some point but I'd like to put that behind me. We just weren't coming from the same time and place. As for her friends, well we still talk. They're fun to talk to from time to time so it couldn't be all bad. It's nice to have a little crazy every now and then, at least not the kind of crazy I'm used to. Now fuck off, Carl Rogers. On to other matters.

Oh, on a side note our drummer left a few weeks after tour following a fairly messy set. We're still working out arrangements for a replacement but we surely will miss the guy. He's been there since day one and did a lot for this band. We'll miss you, man. Move on to greater things and make us proud.


Came home on the 29th of October to enroll for the second semester. Nerves shot to shit, I was incredibly tense as to my status in the AB-Psychology program. If there's anything I want to get around to, it's graduating so I could get the hell out of here. I couldn't afford to stay in college any longer than I have to, there's just too much riding on this for me to take everything lightly. Apart from what my folks are spending on this and the time I've already spent in school, there's just too much of an emotional investment in the program and its people from this end.

I'm incredibly enthusiastic about this semester and I've got all the textbooks I need for this; additional references, a new schoolbag, notebooks, supplies et al. Sure, I spent the greater part of the first week in queue in and around the SS Division for the absurdly tedious task of adding and dropping subjects but I got the job done and classes are working out well so far. The professors are amazing and I love all of them. I have 21 units this semester and I'm enrolled in Social Psychology, Experimental Psychology and Research, Agrarian Reform and Taxation, Writing Across the Disciplines, Cognitive Psychology, Abnormal Psychology and Christian States of Life.

What's my target grade for this semester? Well, that I wouldn't know. All I'm saying is I intend to deserve what I get and things are looking good.


Sleep has been off for the past few days. Personally, I find that a bit off given that my sleep patterns were actually a lot more stable during the semestral break. Good thing I have that new alarm clock though, it really helps me wake up in the morning. That coffee mom brought home from Indonesia works too but still, I'm going to have to rest earlier to make sure I have enough energy for the day to come. Next stop, I should probably work on my diet but first thing's first I need to learn how to sleep.


Since we got home from tour, the CB guys and I took it upon ourselves to let the band a rest a while given how tiring the whole thing was. Consequently, this left me with a lot more time to work on my other bands and projects. Since 2006, I've been doing some solo material- fairly recently under the moniker, Love In Athens. Recently, I just added a new member and things are turning out well for the both of us. We're working on new songs for various compilations.

I've also been playing bass in a Tragedy style hardcore/punk band called Disobjectify with Paeng on guitar and vocals and Paris from Capgun Robbery and We Spell Disaster on drums. That shoegaze band IP and Wilson were starting with me and Janno is on the back burner but I have Love In Athens for that as of the moment. A friend of Denise and I, TJ might get me to play bass and do some programming for this band he's starting. Hopefully it ends up shoegazey enough for my tastes too. We're all into My Bloody Valentine and M83 type stuff so it shouldn't be too far off.


This bastard still follows me around everywhere I go. He's been following me for a few months now and it's driving me nuts. Okay, okay, I exaggerated a bit there. Statistically, it's highly probable that I may see the same cab a number of times especially when we most probably travel the same routes from time to time. It's just weird how many times I have to run into 666. How kvlt is that?


Well, took me a while to put this up but that's the past few weeks for you. It had its ups and downs but it was all worth it. I see good things ahead and well, I'm still taking things one day at a time. See you soon, IDWTMYA!

Call me Elliot Spencer

Now I know what you're in my life for

Love In Athens have a new song up on myspace, it's called 'Parang awa mo na, bayaran mo na utang mo'. This song leans towards a more bedroom/dreampop sound; tried messing out with different mixes and given the quality of the mic recording I think the hazier vocals fit better with what I'm trying to go for. I hope Denise likes it though. Lyrically, it's about how unexpected events bring about the frustrations of shared experience.

On a side note, our good mutual friend Paolo Segura is moving to Manila to live up to the whole Nescafe Soundskool thing. Denise and Paolo have been friends since forever and even if I've only known him for a fraction of the time she has, I guess I'd miss him too. Walking around Damosa earlier on in the evening, we were talking about what it would be like in his absence. After joking around a bit, she had this to say: "You know, it sort of hit me. I was thinking if anyone would be able to take his place while he's away. Now, I know what you're in my life for."

As for taking that supporting friend role, I could never be the friend who's been there for years and years; I could however be the friend who keeps her company while he's away. I guess this ties in with shared experience and well, given the time we've spent, the time we're spending and the time we are to spend together; we only have room to grow.

To friendship, Paolo and Love In Athens. Now I know what I'm in your life for.

Love In Athens on Myspace
Love In Athens on Last.fm

You look shit-faced

You sure looked shitfaced earlier. You look terrible, Francis Maria. Really, really terrible. This only happens once in a while, DON'T FUCK IT UP LIKE YOU DID LAST TIME. The above picture is Francis Maria when he is NOT shit-faced. Goddammit, I look shit-faced.

More from Love In Athens

Love In Athens has been dormant since October given that Caitlyn Bailey was on tour and I had to rush back to school right after for enrollment and class. I missed out on writing the Serenity EP with Nep-C a while back since I single-handedly fucked my laptop over while trying to install Windows 7. Lost files and presets so yeah. Recently, I decided to throw other people in the mix by coming up with a full lineup for Athens. Not everyone has been immediately available to work on this with me but as hinted in earlier entries, Denise has shown an interest in working with me and will be singing. Since I'm with her everyday, getting to her wouldn't be a problem at all. For the meantime, the live setup thing would have to wait. Til then, Love In Athens is a two-piece. We'll be in a few compilations and will be writing a few more songs. Hope this turns out well. As for other matters, I see a huge-ass summary blog covering past few weeks real soon.

Here's the lyrics for the new song I'm working with:

Parang awa mo na, bayaran mo na utang mo

These things are the hardest to let go, these things we'd rather keep to ourselves; the things that only we should know that put our friendships to the test. 3860 words to save your breath for. Well I don't think we have much to say anymore. Is this worth the time we're both wasting and why? This is taking the worst of me and I feel it's just as bad for you. Don't just stare at me, we both know this is out of line. Oh Adrian, if only you knew half of the things I had to say to you. I miss us.

P.S.

I'd personally like to thank Khai Bacolod for coming up with the inspiration for the song.

Fifteen more mornings on the upper east side

Strawberry Switchblade- Who Knows What Love Is?

Strawberry Switchblade- Who Knows What Love Is?

Sitting in my front room on a rainy afternoon, my mind turns to think of you and how I might see you soon. Then I get myself a glass of milk and a colour magazine; I flick through it slowly but the pages are unseen and I think, "Who knows what love is? I wonder if you do. Who can tell me what love is? I wish it could be you. I wish it could be you"

Sitting in my front room as the sun is going down, I'm wishing I had someone who could maybe come around. Oh but all I do is watch TV; a program I want to, but I never see it because I'm thinking about you and I think, "Who knows what love is? I wonder if you do. Who can tell me what love is? I wish it could be you. I wish it could be you"

Who knows what love is? I wonder if you do. Who can tell me what love is? I wish it could be you. I wish it could be you. Who knows?

Strawberry Switchblade is one of those little hidden pop gems that people end up overlooking as the decade drags on and drags countless artists in and out of the limelight. As I wasn't one of those who were blessed to have gotten to know and listen to them when they were still around, I think they deserve more than just a little recognition from this end of the age bracket.

Personally, I'd like to think that whereas art and music are meant to be taken in as part of a particular context, some pieces just happen to be timeless if only for the subjective value it takes on as an experience in the part of the viewer or listener. This is something I could safely say is still relevant to me and my context as of now.

I think I've been through my fair share of hope, hoping and hopelessness to be able to say I appreciate the value of actually seeing someone I want to see. That narrative of distance has done so much to make me a better person and a fuming wreckage at the same time; that said, I guess I'd know the feeling or set of feelings this piece puts forward. The song feels like it's set within a brief window of absence between one and the other, with the speaker apparently spacing out while going through the ups and downs of an idle day; unable to keep away from the thought or promise of potentially going through the experience of mutual subjectivity many of us would like to refer to as love.

It's a beautiful feeling but it's not nearly as substantial as we'd like to figure. Oh well, I guess a little wishful thinking wouldn't hurt either.

Who could tell me what love is? I wish it could be YOU.

Is there room for love after modernity?

Thanks to Mia leaving me her bass for the meantime since she left for Japan, I have recently gotten around to playing a little bit of bass again. It's taking a little bit of getting used to but hey, it's an instrument and it would probably do me a lot of good to do something different for a change.

Since I wanted to practice playing live and making music I couldn't do with my other bands and projects, I started a shoegaze band with IP from We Ride Dynamite, Wilson from the Chickenfeeds and Janno the drummer guy who always hangs around Mixatune Studios. Currently, the whole thing doesn't have a name yet but we're most probably getting together sometime this Wednesday to throw some ideas around.

This is something I'd really want to pull of since I'm a huge shoegaze and indie pop fan. Besides, gives me another reason to dress up at shows.

Maybe there is room for love after modernity after all.

Pale Saints- Half Life, Remembered

Pale Saints- Half Life, Remembered

It's eating you away and some will never know it's taste. Biting off more than you can chew again, you're just a child and all you know is that its sweetness brings you close to tears. Each time you can't resist and some will never know it's taste. You're flying high, oblivious to what it does. It's eating you away and it moves much faster than you can view. It's eating you away and some will never know it's taste. Some will never know it's taste.

Wayfarers, lend me your ears; I am but a lowly drifter

Those familiar with the concept of the human condition wouldn't be too hard-pressed to speak of the inevitability of having to come to terms with why things are the way they are, no matter how absurd or irrational they may be. Being a full-functioning individual with his faculties intact, I would like to lean towards the persuasion that this is something I am familiar with and something I could say I'm aware of. Long story short, there will never be a lack for instances when circumstance tries the best of us and our tolerance for getting short-changed and dealt a bad hand of cards.

For one, I am a person with a lot of unresolved personal and interpersonal conflicts given I have a lot of anxiety coming from a lot of people, places and situations. I won't go on enumerating each and every single one from that voluminous list but I will however delve a little into my anxiety in regards to distance and being distanced; maybe a little on the great human tragedy of never getting what one wants.

Life is unfair, at least that's what the maxim says. Statistically, we would know that among a certain distribution, data may or may not be skewed towards a particular side with what may be a more or less favorable set of conditions. It just so happens that with roughly 90 million people in this country and a population density of 760 people per square meter, I just had to be tossed into this particular patch of soil.

My personal phenomenology would suggest that whereas I seemingly thrive here given the accessibility I have to resources and the fact I'm generally well-off now as opposed to how I was before, I am starved for a few things that my stability in other departments couldn't compensate for. I didn't really grow up with people. I was always distanced be it because the children I was friends with had to move house or transfer school or because I was never allowed to go play outside or visit other people's houses, much less ask to let people in. Later on, the development of personal/individual interests and social exclusion on both my front and others reared its ugly head, adding to that feeling of isolation and the nurturing of an "us vs. them" mentality that still manifests from time to time. My parents and I being the sole representatives of my clan in this city didn't help much either as it also led me to living a life distanced from a majority of the members of my own family.

Never got used to having a lot of friends, never got used to having much of a family. You could probably paint a picture of my character with that and pair it up with my taste in music, art, film et al. That already says a lot.

Since we've been hinting towards a loose understanding of how probability works, let's once again speak of population density. Now that we have established that I grew up relatively distanced from the rest of the human race, we shall now move on to that select group of people I do happen to get along with. We don't have a shortage on styles of life here, tastes are incredibly varied among people but inevitably we will have more or less a certain demographic that caters to specific tastes at least based on the most lenient level of categorization. There are some representatives of that particular distribution here. I play in bands with some of them, I'm generally very close to that particular group. Even in groups however, people differ immensely and given how thinly spread things are in this city these aren't exactly people I could be intimate and/or wholly vulnerable with. I guess whereas I consider these people good friends, there are some things they just couldn't offer me.

Experience however would say that this could be averted by moving to an area where the situation is a lot more favorable lest one take on the colossal task of socially engineering one's immediate environment and context to suit one's favor. Personally, I have found that people up in places like Manila tend to cater more to my preferences than people from here do. Not only that, but there are more of them up there who I could potentially establish good working relations with be it romantic, artistic or of a generally friendly nature. Not to write this town off as dull by my standards but I guess it's just not what I'm looking for. Moving on, statistically speaking it would be a logical choice to take my exploits elsewhere where opportunity would be a lot more generous to me. Until I graduate however, Manila in all of its people, places, flaws and strong points would always be an hour and a half plane ride away. Still distant, but something I have a taste of. It adds up, really. A larger demographic, a larger number of possible interactions within that larger demographic and a heightened probability that a certain percentage of those possible interactions from within the larger demographic would be favorably sustainable.

As I hinted earlier, I'm stuck here for the meantime. It's frustrating and the seemingly human connections I've made with certain people up north only lead me to feel as if the opportunity to establish lasting ties to whichever end may only last for so long before disappearing. Whether it's previous trauma with long distance relationships and friendship or other factors that may give it an air of urgency, trying to maintain something given my context and the nature of my needs coupled with how high my hopes tend to be isn't exactly the easiest thing to balance.

So much could be said but it all runs rings around the fact that I'm lonely and in my desperation, my loneliness is working towards my own undoing. It's not that I don't have friends or people to spend time with at all, but I guess I'm looking to find that certain special connection I've experienced with different people at different times albeit in passing. The thought of concrete human interaction and a sense of belonging with more than just the usual members of my inner circle makes me feel like I could take on so much in hopes of transcending the anxiety I was raised with.

At times, it's the only thing that I feel gives me direction; this immense desire to reach out and root myself in others. Other times, nothing pains me more.

There is no burden greater than that of never being satisfied, I suppose. I've been dealt a workable but not entirely favorable hand in the card game of human interaction but in the end it'll have to be what I choose to do with the cards I have in hand.

Things could be so much better, I'm tired of always having to settle for less. I hope this doesn't drive me crazy in the process.

I've had enough with this drivel, it's time for me to go. I'll feel better in the morning.

Pretend to be here

October 31 would be a perfect example of one of those days where you just don't have anything to do or anyone to spend time doing things with. I have to admit I miss days like this, they've been increasingly scarce as the past few semesters wore on but on a whole I guess I'd prefer to have things a lot less lonely. A lot of my friends high tailed it over to Manila and other places, some of the people I'd readily spend time with also happen to live in far-off places, anyone else down here is busy.

I enjoy spending time alone but I could only go on for so long before I start thinking back about the people I love and how I wish they were all here to be alone... with me.

Until then, I'll just listen to Pia Fraus.